The Not-So-Divine Secrets of -Motherhood-

Venting weekend: Cast of Characters

In your every day life, you can pick your friends. When you meet someone, they either annoy you and you never call them for that play date, or they charm you, and you make plans to see them regularly, right? It doesn't work exactly the same way with internet friends. On the other side of a witty typed conversation may be a crazy middle-aged man posing as a young woman, or you may find a crazy single-white-female type. You just never know what you're getting. It takes quite a bit to be a trusting person on the internet.

Eight years ago, we laid it all out on our Venting Board. For me, the reason I did that was specifically because I DIDN'T know these people in my every day life. It was somehow much easier to trust a total stranger across the country, or across the pond as Yvonne puts it.

In planning this Venting weekend I wasn't as worried about the freaky middle-aged man showing up under the guise of having been a woman for the last eight years. I was more worried about whether our everyday personalities would mesh well, especially if we were going to spend five straight days together. Well.... I could not have picked better everyday friends if I had tried.

Meet my FRIENDS:

Yvonne- the very first of our group to get pregnant. Yvonne lives in the UK and accidentally joined the US Babycenter board but we would have it no other way. When I call her deceivingly sweet, I mean that she is a beautiful person, inside and out, yet she shocks you every now and then with something totally unexpected. Yvonne used to own and ride a motorcyle (she is my hero!). She is strong, independent, and bold. I love her spirit, it was such an honor meeting her in person, and I absolutely loved listening to her British accent and learning new words from her.

Eileen- how can I even describe Eileen? If you know Eileen through her pictures and Facebook posts you would see a beautiful family, never really knowing the heartache she has been through. Eileen is educated, well-spoken, and stronger than I ever really knew. Eileen has Monica Geller from "Friends" written all over her, and actually bears a slight resemblance to Courteney Cox as well. I suspect Eileen has a vacuum to clean her vacuum at home, but I'm mostly in awe of Eileen for being a military wife. Her strength and selflessness are second to none. She is amazing.

Lee- with the cutest Australian accent. She could curse me out and I would smile the whole time at the lilt of her voice and how stinkin' cute she is. She is a teacher, and just listening to her philosophy about educating children? Well, I would move across the country to put my children in her school in an instant. Lee has her hands full with three young children yet her face belies none of the stress I would imagine. It seems she navigates crazy situations with ease (along with the help of chocolate). Lee is a fellow book-lover. Sometimes I'm a bit fanatical about my books, I can't stand the thought of creasing a book spine, preferring to keep my books in pristine condition. I found my soul-sister in Lee.

Dianne- a woman I respect and admire in so many ways. Strong, intelligent, witty, compassionate, with a big heart and a dazzling smile. I give her much credit for overcoming the challenges she has had in her life- and for not becoming jaded or bitter. She is inspiring in so many ways. Her laugh was infectious. Dianne is truly that friend that everyone needs, someone that listens, offers advice, and doesn't impress their views or opinions upon you but gently shares their experiences in ways that make you realize your blessings. If there is only one thing I can say about Dianne, she doesn't know just how beautiful she is and truly how much she has to offer but I have no doubt she will one day realize it. So will her lucky Prince Charming.

East Coast Jenn- where shall I start? By far, the funniest of the group she was "filth on a stick" in Yvonne's terms. East Coast is an amazingly beautiful woman, totally a "real" girl- the kind you would find next door. She is smart, witty, and fun. She lacked a filter (by her own admission) and made some hilariously unexpected comments that I still can't get out of my head (eating peanut butter!). Jenn is totally cut out to mother boys- after listening to her stories and shaking my head I can't even fathom the things she has been through and how it appears she has so easily navigated the challenges. She's the girl I look at and think, "if she can do what she does, I can totally do what I need to do". She's the girl that is beautiful and doesn't know just how beautiful, that's the best kind of beauty.

Yes, these women, they were my "friends" before but they are my FRIENDS now. They all previously had places in my heart but those places are cemented in now. We were put into each other's lives for a reason. What an amazing experience!

Really???

The title of my post says it all. The other day I was at a stoplight after leaving work. A jacked-up truck pulled up to the right of me (you know a lifted truck, the kind usually firefighters and rednecks drive). The driver of the truck motioned for me to put down my window. I instantly wondered, Is something hanging out of my trunk? Do I have a flat tire? Did I leave my drink on top of my roof?

I put down my passenger window and leaned over the passenger seat so I could see him better. I mean, his truck was towering over my car by approximately 42 feet.

He said, "Let's go have a drink."

My mind went completely blank. Did he just..... try to pick me up at a stoplight? Really? I didn't even know people really did that.

I just shook my head at him and said, "No."

The light turned green and I floored it to get onto the freeway. Thank heaven for however-many-horsepower our car has. I left him in my dust.

I got to the bar where my coworkers were meeting for happy hour. I recounted the story to them after ordering a cold beer. The bottle of beer came, ice cold. The bottle, however looked like it had seen better days. It looked like it had been stored in the ice for at least 3 weeks, the label was disgustingly faded, peeled, and missing in some places. It reminded me of ordering beer in Mexico, where the bottles sometimes have that nasty white ring around them (in college I forced myself to believe that was because they sterilized the bottles so well- it was the only way I could drink the beer inside).

Again, really? It was just bound to be that kind of night I guess.

I'm still totally shaking my head.

Just Need to Vent... The beginning

Have you ever just thrown something out there, not really expecting anyone to take you up on it only to discover that after you've lobbed it out there, they totally grab on?

Yeah, me either.

But I do throw things out there that I really do want to happen, even if sometimes I think they are totally pie-in-the-sky-dreams. because you know, sometimes dreams really do come true.

My "friends" on the Venting Board had been posting for quite some time about getting together. We knew we wanted to someday meet in person but we didn't quite know how we were going to do it. I don't remember exactly how I approached it, but I think I lobbed one up and invited them all to come to my house. After all, I live in a semi-resort destination climate (at least eight months out of the year). I have five bedrooms. And a swimming pool. I figured it would be a relatively inexpensive trip- at least for our first gathering.

I didn't know if anyone would take me up on it, but low and behold, the crazy Brit was the first to book a flight. After that I think we all knew we were "on" and immediately began making plans excitedly.

With the excitement came a little bit of nervousness. Well, a lot of nervousness. I mean, was there a chance there was some creepy middle-aged man masquerading in our midst? How about a serial killer? Or a single white female stalker? Somehow I just knew none of these women would be any of those things. However you try convincing your husband and friends that you haven't lost your mind by inviting a bunch of "friends" to your house.

Let me define "friends". According to my husband, they could not be my FRIENDS because I had never met them in person. They were just my "internet acquaintances". Umm yeah. These women know more about me than many people in my daily life. I bet my husband would be completely mortified to know just how much information these women really did know about me at one point. I mean, back then they all knew exactly when I could expect my period each month. It was my dear "friend" Yvonne who coined the phrase most appropriate to Hayley's conception, a "drunken fumble". Don't judge me. I had been trying for twenty months. It was just sheer luck that it finally happened, so what if it happened one night after partying in Vegas.

So Yvonne booked her ticket first. I don't remember the order the tickets were booked after that but soon Lee, Eileen, Dianne, and East Coast Jenn all booked tickets. We mourned the missing members of our Venting Group but we were so excited at the prospect of finally meeting each other in person we counted down for at least two months.

We joked around about who the middle-aged man would be in our group. Was it me? We joked around about me worrying they may steal my towels. But really, I think we were all more nervous about finally meeting in person. After eight years would we all really have as much in common as we once did? Would we have fun together?

Turns out five days together was much too short. Fun doesn't begin to describe it. Our cheeks hurt from laughing, we shed some tears in between funny stories, and we hugged each other tighter as we parted ways. It was AWESOME.

Coming up next? The casting call for the players. Check back soon!

Once upon a time....

Once upon a time, this blog wasn't really about being a mommy. This blog was about not being able to become a mommy. And actually, this wasn't the original blog. The original blog was filled with pain and heartbreak about infertility, which doesn't traditionally attract readers unless you are as big as Melissa at Stirrup Queens. However, that being said, I realized that my original blog needed a revamp, so I moved to Typepad where I've been ever since.

However, just before I started blogging I also joined BabyCenter and started "lurking" on chat boards. I think it was summer 2004. Some of the boards were bitter. Some of them were short-lived. Some of them were catty. I finally found one where I felt like I could get a foot in the conversation without any sarcastic responses and, well, I joined. The board was called "Just Need to Vent". How appropriate.

It wasn't a large board initially, maybe 6 or 8 people. More joined. We welcomed each new member with gusto. Some left. Month after month we would start a new thread and title it the month that we were venting in. We vented about everything. Initially it was related to our struggles with infertility but then it branched out. Sometimes we would talk about our bad day at work. The rude lady at the grocery store. It became an outlet- like a circle of girlfriends having coffee. It became my saving grace when my husband, at a loss to understand how to help me through my pain of unexplained infertility, was ready to give up on me. I needed this group of women and they never let me down.

Sometimes in a scenario like that, when someone experiences a success and someone else experiences a loss in the exact same week the dynamics change. Sometimes those that experience success no longer feel welcome. That never happened with this group. Yvonne, our deceivingly sweet British member was the first to get pregnant in our group. (Incidentally, she joined the US Babycenter totally on accident, but I think it was divine intervention that sent her to us). When she got pregnant we all celebrated and then lived vicariously through her. We welcomed her posts about what we could look forward to during pregnancy, hemorrhoid stories and all. Slowly, other members of our group got pregnant. Some never got pregnant. For some, this journey was so crushing and emotional even their marriages could not survive it. Until you live the pain that comes with infertility you have no idea how your heart can be shattered into a million pieces.

I finally got pregnant after 20 months of unexplained infertility. This blog, this very blog, started approximately 2 weeks before I got pregnant. I blogged mostly about my fears throughout pregnancy. Then I blogged about being a new mommy. And these days I blog about life in general, but I digress.

The women on the Just Need to Vent board were there for me in ways I could not turn to my own family and friends. I mean, can you envision striking up a conversation at your next family gathering, "So hey, I just had extra wet cervical mucous yesterday, I'm thinking this may really be our shot this month!". No, I couldn't do that either. I also couldn't let on to my family and friends just how crushed I was month after month to get the BFN (Big Fat Negative). So I vented in secret, with women I never met.

It's been eight years. EIGHT YEARS. After our Babycenter group disbanded someone reached out and we all started connecting through Facebook. Thank heaven for social networking! At some point, one of the girls started a private group on Facebook and we had a chance to circle back up in a format similar to our Babycenter group. We talked about how we would love to catch up in person one day.

And then it all became a reality... I have a whole series of blog posts bubbling around in my head to describe how our Venting weekend came about and how it went over but you'll have to tune in for more. I'm afraid if I start posting it right now this blog post will turn into a mini-novel and also I can't spend the next ten hours in front of my computer or my children will tear up the house while I'm engrossed in my stories.

So, come back soon. I will tell you the lively story of Venting Weekend. Six ladies. Five days. Laughter and tears. Coming soon.

Wow- my blog's still active!!

I can't believe it's been two months since I was last here- I couldn't even remember my password at first. It's not like I've had all that much going on in the last two months. I mean, I was just finishing up the last class of my MBA program (I know, where have two YEARS gone, RIGHT?). I had houseguests all but two weekends of the last 9 weekends. I took a trip to New York for four days. I met five of my internet friends (that's a blog series in itself). Oh yeah, and I found out about a week ago that they are closing my company.

I'm not going to lie, life has been a little crazy and actually rather overwhelming. I love, love, love a fast pace. I live life with my foot on the gas pedal. Some days I know that will be my demise but I can't stop myself. But seriously, in the last two months, well it feels like the gas pedal is stuck and I have no control to slow it down. With the announcement about my company closing down I don't foresee it getting any better in the near future.

So let me recap just where I've been for the last two months and why I've been sadly absent:

*Started 12th class of MBA program (skipping breaks for the last four months to ensure I completed the program prior to the actual commencement ceremony).

*Had company beginning March 8th. Dialed it up a notch when we had Easter break company (23 people, all staying at our house).

*Went to New York for a company top-performer forum (ironic, I know).

*Found out my company is closing down and I will be out of work June 30th.

*Had five of my "friends" fly to Phoenix to actually become my FRIENDS. (much, much more to come on this).

*Began the daunting task of trying to find a company to pick up my group of employees all at once (I only have 24, my counterpart has an additional 10. You wouldn't think it would be that hard to find someone to take on 34 employees in an office with a $25k lease?).

Oh yeah, and the BEST part of all? Today is graduation!! So all the pain and sleep-deprived nights from the last two years and especially the last two months will all pay off today when I walk across the stage with four thousand other graduates. Please let me not trip.

Just so you know, I really am back to blogging. I promise. If nothing else, I really have to tell you some amazing stories about a beautiful group of women who were previously only my internet "friends" and have now become my real friends. (According to my husband they were only my acquaintances because I had never met them in person, even though I have known some of them for as long as eight years).

But first, I must go shower and get ready for commencement. I finally, finally get to wear that special hood with my gown. The one that says I invested more money and time, gave up many things I wanted to do for myself over the last two years in favor of the things I had to do for the last two years. The hood that, incidentally, I can't even figure out how to wear. I am wondering why I am smart enough to earn a graduate degree but not smart enough to figure out how to turn that thing the right way so it shows? Lucky for me, apparently most graduates aren't smart enough, so they have staff on site just to arrange our hoods for us.

Well, today's my day.

I have a confession to make

I must confess, I am a fanatic when it comes to coating my kids with sunscreen. Myself however? Notsomuch. I don't even know if we ever wore sunscreen as kids (not a dig on my parents- just a sign of the times that we weren't as cognizant of it back then). Matter of fact, I can remember numerous times where we burnt our little bodies to crisps out at the lake or by the pool. But usually we had that first "burn" of the season and then we tanned nicely.

Throughout my high school and college years I was also guilty of working on my tan. I was all about the baby oil, which is what, SPF -50? Even to this day I love soaking up the sun. I barely wear SPF 4 or 8 in the spring when I'm at my whitest and in the summer time don't usually wear sunscreen at all. However, my kids don't go outside when the sun is shining without getting a good spray down or solid coating of sunscreen. I carry a sunscreen stick in my purse so I can cover their little cheeks on the go. Sam (who is quite fair) wears a long-sleeve rashguard all summer. I am constantly putting hats on the girls - even as they are swimming around in the pool.

So the question I guess is, why is it that I worry about their skin protection but haven't really worried about my own? And the sad answer is that starting right now, I have to worry about my own because I went for a biopsy of a suspicious area and have been confirmed to have a cancerous basal cell carcinoma growth. I have to have it surgically removed (albeit it's a local procedure, but it's CANCER nonetheless). So all those weekends where I've barely lathered on any sunscreen (even though I must have a bazillion bottles, tubes, and cans of it), and those times where I've known the dangers but have disregarded them- well, those times are over.

Yes, basal cell carcinoma is the most common skin cancer out there. And there's a 90-98% chance that upon this procedure I won't ever get it again (in this spot). But there are no guarantees that this won't recur. I don't want skin cancer to metastasize into my vital organs, nor do I want to have to go through biopsies and carving sessions where they try to clean up little sections of cancer.

I'm just saying, if you are casual about your skincare like I was, perhaps now is a good time for you to get serious about it.

She's barely five and she reads

The other night we had Chinese food for dinner. My husband opened the fortune cookie and said, "It says, 'tonight you must go to bed early". Hayley shouted out "No it doesn't!". So my husband asked, "How do you know it doesn't?" and Hayley replies "It has more words than that!"

And then she proceeded to take the fortune and sound out every single word, even the big long ones. Instantly I knew we were in trouble and there would be no more hiding things by spelling them out loud.

But also I got a little emotional just thinking, she's already reading? READING? She turned five at the end of October. She's in private kindergarten (and apparently it's WORKING). But she is so stinkin' smart I just don't know what to do with her.

She uses big words, in the appropriate context, and my heart swells with pride. And then I think, I'm not sure I ever want her to grow up. I like that she's so tiny and cute right now. She's so smart, and yet still needs me a little bit. She's independent, unless of course the milk gallon is full and she knows she'll drop it if she gets it out of the fridge. But for most other scenarios she is completely on her own and doesn't want me to take charge.

She's kind-hearted. And loving. She's intuitive. And gracious. She's an amazing artist. She has her father's athletic skills- which is a GREAT thing. She's a protective big sister.

I just know she is destined for greatness. And I'm not anywhere near being a "tiger" mom or whatever they call them (you know, the ones that push their kids to be geniuses and prodigies). I want her to have a normal childhood, enjoying all the things that normal kids do. Who knows, maybe five years plus four months is exactly where she should be reading (not just words like and, the, it). Maybe she is just perfectly NORMAL, and, well, that is OK too.

The countdown is on!!

Well actually, I've been counting down for at least a year now. But seriously, the countdown is really on now! I am in my finals week for my marketing class. Then I start my next class immediately after this one, and in seven short weeks I will be able to finally say I earned my MBA.

It hasn't been without it's bumps, that's for sure. And it definitely sounded like a much better idea when I started the program just 22 short months ago.

I don't regret it. Really, I don't. I just wish maybe I had known what was going to happen over the last two years so I could potentially have, well, put it off a little longer.

I can't believe it's been nearly 22 months. When all is said and done, it will have taken me just over 23 months to complete the program, although if I took the classes back to back like they suggested I would have been done last October. But really? Who wants to graduate in the fall? Isn't graduation all about spring/summer and the freedom you are going to have to enjoy all the fun things you've been repressed from doing during your schooling?

At least that's the way it is for me. I keep telling myself that if I complete the program I am going to have the biggest party EVER. Although, and this is kinda funny, I'm actually going to have two parties.

My mom is also going to be finishing up her degree this spring and we have been talking for at least a year about walking in the graduation ceremony together since we are both attending the same educational institution. Originally I had hoped she would come here so we could walk in the big stadium affair but it just makes more sense for us to go to her ceremony, since that is where all of our friends and much of our family live.

But I couldn't bring myself to give up the big stadium affair so I registered to walk in two ceremonies. Yeah, they'll let you do that! I'll be celebrating my first ceremony on May 5th and will be joining my mom in her ceremony June 9th.

Now... I just have to actually MAKE it these last 7 weeks. I'll tell you, since coming back to school after Christmas break it's been pretty tough. And the last class is probably going to be the hardest for me, given my one-foot-out-the-door mentality.

If you don't hear from me in the next 7 weeks, you'll know why.

Oh yeah, and because we have like a bazillion people coming to stay at our house for Easter/the weeks before Easter/the weeks after Easter. I'm very excited to spend time with our loved ones, I'm just hoping I can do it during my last 6 weeks of the MBA program without wanting to give it all up and just hang out by the pool, drinking icy cold adult beverages.

Pinterest, my newest fad

AS IF I have time for this? It started off small. I noticed my friends on Facebook were sharing links via Pinterest. Some of them looked kinda cool, although I had a few friends that literally "pinned" and shared every.single.link.they.found. It was a little overwhelming actually so I was a little turned off by it.

But then one of my friends posted something I really, really liked so I gave in. I went to Pinterest and registered. However cool Pinterest is, it doesn't really come with much instruction. I surfed all these cool boards, and thought I was re-pinning a bunch of cool stuff. Until I got back to my own page and saw it was still blank. So I surfed again, trying to locate all of that cool stuff again. I re-pinned and thought I figured it out. Except it still wasn't pinning.

Duh, it turns out I had to CREATE boards that I would be pinning to. Once I figured that out? Well, the addiction is complete. The other night I spent hours surfing Pinterest and just re-pinning things that others had already pinned. I found recipes, crafts, furniture, all kinds of things. I pinned like a madwoman. Good thing the iPad lost connection with the internet or I probably would not have gone to sleep that night.

I've had a few friends post on Facebook that they don't understand Pinterest and, well, since there really aren't any instructions, I can certainly understand the confusion.

The problem is, now that I do understand it, I have spent at least the last four hours just surfing, pinning, and re-pinning everything from building my own outdoor pergola (which I really, REALLY want to do) to making my own lemon sugar scrub. You know, for my rough, calloused hands after I build the pergola.

No lie, I am totally hooked. And FINALLY, totally INSPIRED. We have two guest bedrooms with no furniture in them, just beds on iron rails. I have found headboards that I can make (for about $20 apiece). I am going to go yard-saling to find a broken down, junky dresser that I can turn into a shelf unit to store all my crafts (instead of stuffed into a closet). I am going to look for broken pallets that I can re-purpose into a wall shelf to display photos. I am going to create wreaths. And try some of the most amazing food recipes EVER. I am going to whip up some interesting cocktails, which I will also display in beautiful glass dispensers (which I must add to my shopping list and go buy). I am going to host dinner parties that rival Martha Stewart because I have found decorating and entertaining tips that will WOW my friends.

Umm yeah. Somewhere in between all of this exciting, fun, inspiring stuff I will have to work, keep my house clean, and finish 13 weeks of school. I can do it. I think I'll just give up some of my less important tasks, like sleep.

I'll be sure to post photos or stories as I try my Pinterest finds. If you haven't already checked it out, I highly encourage you do so!

She lost her first tooth.... boo-hoo!

She's only five years plus two months old today and she lost her first tooth. I thought kids didn't start losing teeth until they were seven or eight years old? I.am.not.prepared.for.this.

She started wiggling it on Saturday. It was a bit more loose on Sunday. By Monday it was pretty wiggly, and Monday was a holiday so she said she was going to go back to school on Tuesday and have her teacher pull it. Apparently that's what all the cool kindergartners do, they have their afternoon teacher pull their teeth. Caitlin did it. So did Lilly.

Last night she was wiggling it something fierce. We had some family over last night and we all joked about helping her pull it. By the end of the evening I knew that tooth's days were short and I just hoped she wouldn't have one of her friends help her pull it at school.

This evening I received this photo via text:

 

The next great debate was, well exactly how much does a tooth fairy bring these days? When I was a kid, it was a buck a tooth. One particularly rotten, cavity-ridden one netted me a dime. If she was older I don't think I could pull one over on her, but she's five years old. She doesn't even know what a dollar will buy her. She'll probably want to use it for candy. I was thinking a dollar would be adequate but my sister in law ribbed my husband and told him we had to pony up five bucks for her first tooth.

And I'm just thinking, FIVE BUCKS?

We don't want to set a precedent around here.... Especially as she does get older and starts to realize exactly what five bucks WILL buy her.

So we settled on two dollars. You know, due to inflation and all.

And now the tricky part. I'm so exhausted I can't even keep my eyes open but I have to make sure the Tooth Fairy's job gets done correctly tonight. As much as I adore my husband, he wasn't so great when The Elf was his responsibility and I just have to make sure she gets her visit from The Tooth Fairy.

After all, she did write a nice note to The Fairy.

It would have been much longer (this kid's gonna be a writer!) but I had to dictate how to spell everything for her and I kept losing track. "T....O....another O..... wait, what were the last few letters I just gave you?"

I'm not at all prepared for this kid to grow up. She's the tiniest little five year old you ever did see. She's a good kid. She mostly listens, she's a good helper, and she has a kind heart. I'm so not ready for her to grow up, venture out into this world, and become a young lady. I know five years old isn't the end of the world. I'm not the only parent that has had to deal with a child losing their first tooth. I am however realizing that five years has gone by much too quickly and that one tooth is going to lead to another one. I'll try not to cry but you'll have to forgive me because this definitely makes me emotional.

Now, before I fall apart, I must go figure out how to score one tooth and leave behind some cash under the sleeping head of one very, very excited child.

 

Goodbye 2011

It's that time of year, where everyone recaps what happened to them during the year and what they hope to accomplish in the coming year.

It wasn't the easiest year for us but it turned out to be one of the best years. My husband lost his job on April 1st, which is never really a happy thing but turned out to be the change of pace we really needed around here. We have both been in the mortgage industry for the last ten years and have lived through all the turbulence of the credit crisis and the mortgage meltdown. We took our kids out of pre-school/daycare for the summer and they had a chance to truly be kids for the first time since they were born. No ten hour days of childcare. One parent home with them all the time to take them to the library, the park, or just out in the backyard to swim every single day. He taught Hayley how to swim without floaties in July. Then two weeks later Sam learned how to swim without floaties (a month before her 3rd birthday mind you).

I changed channels within my own company and took on a position managing a retail branch instead of a wholesale branch. I have loved nearly every single minute of it- I have had the opportunity to build my team literally from the ground up. I started with ten employees in May and am now up to twenty three employees. I have openings for six more and then I'll have outgrown my office space. I've put in some crazy long days- usually 13 hours a day, five days a week. Yes, it's been hard on me and I'm especially emotional these last two weeks as I'm finally hitting that wall of sheer exhaustion, but it's been rewarding and not something I would change in the least.

Hayley turned five this year. Sam turned three. My girls have inspired me in ways I never expected. Motherhood has been rewarding, and challenging no doubt. Sometimes I feel like mother of the year, sometimes I feel like I'm the worlds worst mother. But my girls have pushed me in ways I just never expected. I'm thankful for two healthy, beautiful kids.

My husband turned 40 this year. I can't believe he's 40, and I can't believe that means I will be 40 in just a few years. I'm not one of those people that gets all freaked out about age, I just can't believe our ages are creeping up there, it doesn't seem like that many years have passed. I mean, we just got married....almost twelve years ago.

The only resolution I have for 2012 is that I want to find ways to be more patient. I want to not let myself get so worked up over the little things. I want to make more time for myself. I want to treasure the little things.

Let's see how 2012 goes!

 

I have been so uninspired

I keep thinking, I must blog. I come across a cute little incident or something that makes me think, and I say, I'll blog about that later. But then later comes, and I've totally forgotten it. Or all of a sudden after thinking about it eight hours later it doesn't seem so cute and blog-worthy.

In fact, I've decided, I am downright boring.

I have nothing exciting to share. I have no witty stories. Yep. I've got nothing.

The only thing I can share with you that I'm pretty proud of is my one and only crafty handiwork for pretty much the whole year. It came out great and I'm loving looking at it every single time I walk by it.

This is the culmination of twelve years of corks. Almost 200 of them- and I still have the entire outside of the wreath that needs to be covered. I figure every time we open a new bottle of wine I'll also heat up my hot glue gun and glue it right on so that it doesn't take me twelve more years to complete the rest of it.

Every time I walk by this (it's hanging on my pantry door incidentally so you can imagine I see it about a bazillion times a day) I look at a different cork and remember with fondness all the fun that came from the bottle of wine associated with that cork. I put my favorite corks on the top layer so I could see them all the time. I put the cheap wine corks on the bottom layer, since cheap wine is always plentiful around here.

Making the wreath wasn't all that hard, although it probably took me longer than it should because I spent time reminiscing as I pulled out some of my favorite corks. I burned myself only sixty-two times with the hot glue gun. It only took me two sittings to complete it, totaling about 6 hours between the two. I think I used 31 glue sticks (but about twenty-five percent of those wound up on my fingers during the sixty-two burns with the glue gun).

All in all, it was worth it. Other than this cork wreath I have been completely uninspired. I couldn't even muster up enough creative energy to write my annual Christmas letter. I know, RIGHT? The woman of so many words couldn't even find enough words to write up a few paragraphs to cover the events of the last 11 months.

I've even resorted to checking my own blog every day just to keep up my daily stats. Ok just kidding about that part, but seriously I would be surprised if anyone even bothers to come back here anymore, it's been a blog-ghosttown.

I can't make any promises that all of a sudden I'll be back to blogging regularly (or have anything worthwhile to blog about) but I am definitely hoping with the holidays behind me that I'll find time to write more often. After all, blogging is probably the only thing that keeps me sane some days. Well, blogging and wine. But blogging + wine is probably Jenn at her finest, so I'll hope for some of those days soon.

The Plague has settled in again

It comes every year. That time of year where no one in your household is healthy, you keep passing it around to one another, and you become dangerously close to wiping out the entire world's stock of Kleenex.

Last year things hit such a terrible spot for us that we went nearly two months where one or both of our girls would get sent home from school sick every single week. It was maddening.

This year, well, it wasn't so bad. The kids went back to school and pre-school after having the summer off and sure enough Sam came home with the sniffles within a week. We lived through it and all seemed to be fine.

My husband is a firm believer in the flu shot, except he can't handle shots, so he is a firm believer in Flu-Mist. He took the girls and they all got dosed up. Me? I never get flu shots. I never get the flu either. Yes, I know, according to the nurse assistant lady at the local pharmacy walk-in clinic, living without getting a flu shot every year is like driving recklessly wearing no seat belt. You can lecture me later.

Anyway, my husband and the girls went for Flu-Mist. Which, according to the nurse assistant lady at the local pharmacy walk-in clinic is the worst thing you can do because it contains live virus, as opposed to the actual shot which has no exposure to virus. She can lecture my husband later. But within two weeks of them getting the Flu-Mist the girls both came home with raging fevers and were throwing up. It took them each nearly 5 days to kick the fever although it took them only one day to kick the stomach part of it. Knock on wood but neither my husband or I got it.

Then not a week later, the school called and they wanted Hayley picked up. She had pink eye.

Now... I'm 36 years old. I've never had pink eye (that I can remember). Because pink eye is pretty much something you would remember. And apparently it is a virus, so once you've gotten it in your life, there's a chance you'll get it again.

My husband goes to pick up Hayley and he asks the school nurse to give him her professional opinion. He appeared to also have pink eye. I should insert here that the school nurse is also certified in serving lunches, if that gives you any background as to her medical skills. I made fun of my husband and told him there was no way it was pink eye. I may have even told him to buck up and stop whining about it.

Seriously. It was pink eye. Like the worlds WORST case of pink eye. Which quickly turned into pink eyes. Both of his eyes swelled shut and he looked scary hideous (sorry sweetie, you know I love you!). He went to the doctor, got fifty eight different prescriptions for drops, and we all began rigorous hand-washing, towel-washing, sheet-washing, pillow-case washing....

He had it for 6 days and I was really patting myself on the back for our cleanliness as no one else had contracted it. Then.... I woke up with only one eye. Seriously I have to say, it was hideous. Miserable. Even more hideous. I went to the local walk-in pharmacy clinic during my lunch break, because, yes, I did go to work with pink eye, and walked out with plenty of bang for my buck. I got a prescription for eye drops as well as a lengthy lecture about the importance of getting my flu shot. And taking allergy medication. Not sure how it was all related but it was the best co-pay I've ever spent, I think she took at least 30 minutes with me.

But seriously, my husband was still battling pink eye. I had pink eye. Our kids had just had some sort of the flu. And Hayley had pink eye. My father-in-law who is visiting from Canada had pneumonia. The only healthy person left in our house was my mother-in-law and thank heaven for her, she was my savior when it came to keeping our washing machine running on the sanitize cycle.

Today I am finally able to see with two eyes again, although it took me 6 days to clear up. It took my husband 13 days to kick it. Flu shot? I'm wondering why the heck they haven't come up with a pink eye shot yet!! Let's just hope this was the worst of our seasonal Plague.

There's just something about getting a mani/pedi

I swear to you all, I am NOT a girlie girl. Except, I kind of am.

When I was in high school I used to get my nails done, with these big, long, acrylic laden tips. And they used to be painted colors like neon pink. It was cool.

Even in college I still used to get "acrylics" when I could afford them. The problem was, that wasn't often. And when I could afford them, I often couldn't afford the fills every two weeks so I would be left with lifting, cracked, broken nails that I would wind up gnawing at and peeling off until my actual fingernail was left barely intact underneath.

I know. Not pretty.

Then one day I realized, I actually have decent fingernails. They grow nicely, I'm not a nail-biter, and if I take care of them, they actually look ok.

Except I never have time to take care of them.

It's been interesting working with a corporate headquarters based in New York because, well, the women there are very worldly compared to the women out west. Don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting that we're a bunch of savages, I'm just saying, it became very obvious to me back in May when I first visited our New York office that I was going to have to step up my game.

And I did. I beefed up my wardrobe. My pocketbook (fancy word for purse as I have always known it). My accessories. My overall demeanor.

But what I haven't yet done is change anything about my hands. So this weekend I used a gift card to a spa, spent an exorbitant sum on a manicure, and ohmygoodnesscan'tstoplookingatmyhands.

They're beautiful. I feel like a million bucks. Which is good, because the manicure cost almost that, lucky thing for that gift card.

Still, there is something about a manicure/pedicure that makes me feel oh-so-feminine. Beautiful. Worldly.

Without a doubt it is not in my budget to go for these regularly, but I'm definitely going to find time to take care of my own fingernails from now on. It's something I think every woman should do for herself- find that one thing that makes you feel beautiful and splurge every now and then. It's worth it. Totally worth it.

Here I am!!

I know, I know, I have been the WORST blogger EVER. I'd be surprised if anyone has even checked back on my blog in WEEKS.

So in my six week break from school, what exactly have I been doing? Well let's see, I wanted to get myself back on the running circuit. I wanted to read a few books for pleasure. I wanted to visit with my friends more. I wanted to deep-clean my house. I wanted to blog, tons. And somewhere in there I wanted to sleep in a few days.

I don't even know where the last six weeks went. In case you are wondering, I didn't get ANY of that done. I did power up my treadmill twice. I did read for pleasure, if you count scouring ads for stealin' deals the day after Thanksgiving. I cleaned out one of my daughters closets (netting 8 giant garbage bags of outgrown clothes... it's a walk-in closet, don't judge me). I blogged once I think. But I don't remember sleeping at all, let alone sleeping in.

Yep, I pretty much got through everything on my list, albeit not in the magnitude I would have liked.

I went back to school almost two weeks ago and honestly, I think it just might kill me. I've been working 12 hour days- and most people would probably complain about that but I absolutely love my job with all my heart so it doesn't bother me to put in the 12 hours every day. Well, except for being so exhausted and missing time with my family. That part stinks. Other than that though I truly do love what I am doing, love my employees, and love the rewards that come with my job.

But going back to school? It just might be too much for me. I only have three classes left, I've already made it through nine classes (it's been a blur honestly). Some days it's all I can do to get up in the morning, push myself through the day, and fall into bed at night. I keep telling myself, it's only three more classes. I'll be done by mid-May. Mid-May will be here before I know it....

So anyway, if you wonder where I've been, well, I'm here. I've been very uninspired to write, which is probably why I feel so run down. Writing always energizes me, gets my brain moving even when my body doesn't want to. I'll try to find more time for my blog in the coming weeks but just in case you miss me just know that soon enough I'll be back, in full force.

We are quite the sight

You may remember that I found a new love of canning earlier this year. I even went so far as to buy a pressure canner. I didn't immediately use the pressure canning feature on the canner, I used it as a waterbath canner because canning jelly doesn't require pressure.

So last weekend I needed to pressure can a batch of my dad's secret spicy pepperoni red sauce. We dug out the pressure canner, read through the instruction manual, and set about to can this batch of sauce. When I read the instruction book it said to fill the canner with 3 quarts of water. The picture in the instruction manual pointed me to which line to use. I filled the canner, inserted the jars, and the canner was nearly full to the brim. I put on the lid, turned on the burner, and waited for 20 minutes to see if it pressurized accordingly.

After about 20 minutes I could hear noise in the canner, and there were some bubbles coming from the pressure valve, but it wasn't "rocking" the way it was supposed to. Upon re-reading the manual I discovered I had put three times as much water as I was supposed to (hey, I was just following the picture, they should have done a better job at pointing to the BOTTOM line) and also that I filled the canner more than 2/3 full, which the manual definitely says NOT to do. Thank goodness I didn't blow up my kitchen.

I corrected my error, put the lid back on, and turned the burner back on. This time I was a little gun-shy and was a little worried that the lid was going to blow off the pressure canner. I hid behind the kitchen island listening for any noise that indicated it was either working or was going to go horribly wrong.

At one point I stepped away from the kitchen to tuck the kids into bed. As I was walking back down the hall I heard a distinct "ping!" and instantly freaked out that the lid was going to blow off the pressure canner. I came around the corner to the kitchen and there was my husband, standing with a spatula looking like a mad scientist. I asked him what that noise was and he demonstrated, he was hitting the pressure nozzle with the spatula, trying to get it to "rock".

Turn up my freak-out mode about ten notches.

After all that, about 15 minutes later the valve did start "rocking" on it's own accord. Once it started rocking we started the timer, we needed 90 minutes to pressure can the sauce because it had meat in it. About 65 minutes in, we could smell spaghetti sauce and then I started worrying that a jar broke in the canner, however I couldn't very well stop the processing just to check it out. We waited until the 90 minutes was up, we waited an additional 20 minutes for it to de-pressurize (and by now it's nearly 11pm) and we opened the lid to discover that thankfully all the jars were intact. However (likely when I filled the canner with too much water the first time) one of the jars did overflow during canning and therefore didn't seal properly.

All told, we didn't blow up our kitchen. The sauce canned nicely (and safely!) and both my husband and I have a bit more confidence in our domestic ability.

Oh yeah, and a few nights later we used it as a pressure cooker and my husband made the most awesome pot roast EVER. We had some friends over for dinner and were telling them the story about my husband tampering with the pressure canner during processing. Our friend (who is an engineer) kindly reminded us that it was canning under 10 pounds of pressure PER SQUARE INCH and it is a 16 QUART POT.

Yes, I'm thankful for our ignorance in exactly how much pressure that really was that night. But we are no longer ignorant and I must throw in the official disclaimer here, "People, DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME." Messing with the canner that is. Otherwise, follow all instructions and no one will get hurt.

Black Friday, I sold out

While I was none-too-happy to have to cut short my holiday festivities to accommodate the earlier store opening times I still sold out and did it. Why you ask?

I had an epiphany while standing in the middle of an angry mob that was rushing a pallet of cheap video games. For me it's not about saving an extra buck (or twenty). It's about the sport of it. It's about mapping out a route, making a list of cheap must-haves (because they are cheap, not because I must-have any more stuff). It's about getting in, grabbing a deal, checking out, and moving on to another store. It's about seeing how many of the items you can cross of the list as scores and how many you have to write off to misses.

I started at Walmart. I made but one rookie mistake (even after 12 years of doing this)- I waited in the mob of people at the shrink-wrapped pallet of video games. I was actually 3rd closest to the pallet so I figured I would at least wind up with one game, maybe two by the time the first three people grabbed their few and moved on.

Was I ever WRONG.

I got there about an hour forty five minutes before the main release at 10pm. There was a lady practically draped on the pallet, protecting her "territory". I knew I was in trouble when I discovered that she had brought two additional people with her and they were the front three circling the pallet. They had been there since 4:30pm. REALLY? You really needed video games bad enough to go to the store nearly 6 hours before the release of the games? The pallets were shrink-wrapped in black plastic so you couldn't even have known for certain you were standing in front of the Xbox games. What if you had been standing there all that time and they pull back the plastic to reveal you are holding Wii games? I mean that lady was seriously all in on this.

I still naively believed I would at least be able to reach one game. At one point I contemplated giving up and standing in front of something really useful (and more necessary than video games) like the Rubbermaid plasticware, or the less-than-ten-dollar electric griddle (which I'm sorely missing this morning as I contemplate making some pancakes). However at that point I had already been standing there nearly an hour. There were an additional hundred people that had gathered by that point so I figured I would stick it out.

I'm not entirely sure what any of us were thinking. There were at least 200 people crowded around this display and when they did finally cut the plastic off there was a mad rush from behind, pushing all of us at the front into the display. The games were gone before I could even see what was going on and I was left being crushed into the cardboard display, which had caved in and which already had two or three people laying in the middle of. I threw out my elbows and backed out of the crowd with as much force as I could- hoping not to become fodder for the morning news.

At least I made it out of the crazed teenage boy crowd but that was the least of my problems. I suspect the store was way over capacity as you could not walk anywhere- there simply were too many people, too many baskets, and too many pallets to trip over. It was sheer madness. I grabbed some cheap jammies, a stick vac for 8.74, and a handful of 1.96 movies. I was out of Walmart at 10:12pm. At least I hadn't forgotten all my Black Friday know-how. I parked in one of the furthest rows from the entrance thereby guaranteeing a quick escape.

I decided to hit Target since they weren't opening until 12. There wasn't anything I really NEEDED. Again it was just for sport- could I really get the items that were cheap and get out of there? Umm yeah. That was all good in theory but when I pulled into the parking lot and the line wrapped around the building nearly 2 hours before opening I decided the $7 jammies just weren't worth it.

Instead I headed home and began online shopping. I had made one previous attempt on the Toys R Us website, which kept crashing and I had given up on. I also hit up Kohls, grabbed a few steals and added some Kohls cash to my wallet. I knew Toys R Us would have additional sales starting at 5am, but what I didn't know was whether that was 5am local time or 5am EST.

I hit my bed around 12:20am, set my alarm for 2:45am, and grabbed a few hours of much needed rest. I got up at 2:45am, logged on to Toys R Us, grabbed a few of their 5am doorbusters (WOW!! Finally, a "win") and went back to bed. Then I got up at 6:30am, headed back out, and completed my shopping.

Surprisingly, another Walmart just two miles from our house still had video games from their doorbuster sale so I grabbed a bunch, got some of the Rubbermaid that was gone in an instant from my escapade the night before, and pretty much felt like I got everything I needed/wanted/didn't really need.

I do have to say though, I'm loving the online situation. Have you ever tried to brave Toys R Us on Black Friday? It's a madhouse. It's a joke. And yet I got some of their 5am doorbusters without ever having to stand in line. Love it, love it, love it.

While I must admit that I am none-too-pleased about the stores starting on Thanksgiving Day, I am definitely loving that they run online specials on turkey day.

And now, I think I may head back out for a little bit more aimless wandering, just to see what kinds of deals may still be lurking. At least I don't have to fear being crushed by an angry crowd today. And I'll be tucking that experience in my memory for future reminders.

On being thankful...

This is not meant to sound obnoxious or anything, but every year when November rolls around, people start making a concerted effort to note the things they are thankful for. For example, I have a number of friends that are currently posting one thing per day they are thankful for.

I struggle with this concept just like I struggle with celebrating Valentine's Day in a very over-the-top way. It's a bit obvious, don't you think? Are we really so shallow that we only think of what we are thankful for (or express it vocally) during one holiday a year? Just like we only express our love outwardly on one holiday per year, Valentines Day?

I live my life every day thankful for my blessings, not only during the month of November. If there are others that specifically need one holiday a year to remind them they should be thankful, well, ok.

Every single day of the year I get up, look around my home, and realize how much I have been blessed. I look at my husband of 11 years and think how lucky I am to have found someone that will put up with my Type A tendencies. I look at my beautiful girls, the ones I never thought I was cut out to mother, and know that I have been blessed in more ways than I will ever know how to keep track of. I think of my job, a job I absolutely love, and know that even though I work crazy long hours I could not be happier with my career.

Yes, I'm a very thankful person. I try hard to live every day reflecting that, not just the days in November. I was once told that actions speak louder than words. In the heat of that moment I didn't understand how that could be. I'm a need-to-hear kind of person but at that moment I reflected on how someone's actions could reflect something more than what their words were (or were not) saying.

I learned a valuable lesson in that moment. Live with passion. Don't be afraid to speak up. Trust until you've been given a reason not to. Love like you'll be gone tomorrow. Or they'll be gone tomorrow. Live like this every single day and, well, you'll live every single day with gratitude.

So this month (and every month) I'm thankful for the opportunities that have made me who I am today. I'm thankful for the opportunities (and challenges) that I will face through the rest of my life that will help shape me into who I am in five years. Ten. I love my life, I love my family, I love my career, and I love my opportunity to make a difference every single day.

Yes, I'm thankful. If you don't hear me say it out loud I would certainly hope that my actions all year long would point to it. But just in case they don't, let me assure you, I have much to be thankful for this year.

 

Black Friday 2011, is it just me???

I think I posted about this last year too. Somehow, Black Friday has ceased being about "Friday" and has now crept into Thanksgiving Day. This is outrageous. Last year things were opening up at midnight on Thanksgiving night/Black Friday. I participated, simply because I had to. The good news was I did get some scores on jammies, which seem to always be in short order in our house. The bad news was, I didn't make it to my usual 7 or 8 stores simply because they were all staggered and I couldn't make it between midnight and 5am. It was a killer.

As if I thought this year would be any better?

Now instead of opening at five am on Black Friday, or midnight on Thanksgiving night/Black Friday they are opening at 9pm THANKSGIVING DAY. Waitjustoneminutehere....

So... Greedy retailers and desperate shoppers are now going to desecrate one of the last remaining holidays that we have been able to enjoy with our families? Because let's be real here, I enjoy a bargain just as much as the next shopper, but I do love me some wine with my Thanksgiving dinner. After all, Thanksgiving for me has always been about spending a day with my family and friends, enjoying good food, good company, and yes, lots and lots of good wine.

Thanksgiving Day has also been a day to eagerly open my newspaper with bated breath, having no idea what is going to be on sale, or where. Planning a strategic route that criss-crosses the city, trying to hit the maximum number of stores while making the most of my budget. Oh yes, and trying to be home by 9am so I can make breakfast for my family, unload my goodies, and start hauling out my Christmas tree and decorations.

Last year I was really thrown for a loop. I did start at midnight, but I came home and went to bed for a few hours before hitting the rest of the circuit. Consequently I didn't go to nearly as many locations as I previously would have, nor did I spend nearly as much money as I probably would have if they had all just stuck with the 5am opening time. ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME BIG BOYS? YOU AREN'T REALLY GETTING MORE MONEY OUT OF ME FOR THESE EARLIER OPENING TIMES. IN FACT, YOU ARE LOSING OPPORTUNITY.

There. I said it. Curse me if you will, but I happen to believe that not only should the holiday be sacred for shoppers like me that want to enjoy it with their family but I also think it should be sacred for those that work in retail. Why should they be punished to have to give up one of the VERY FEW holidays they are given with their families without penalty?

Sadly, with the economy the way it is, there will be many families that absolutely have to take advantage of these start times and doorbusters just to make their Christmas special. I wish there was a way as consumers that we could all protest this and truly make our voices heard. Don't get me wrong, I want the bargain just as much as the next shopper, but this is just WRONG. I'm morally opposed to the desecration of one of the very last holidays in the US market. What's next? Shopping on Christmas Day?

I'm disappointed to see what Black Friday has turned into. It is no longer Friday. With all the websites showing the "leaked" ads all the fun has gone out of the thought of opening the Thanksgiving Day newspaper. And yes, I'm wondering who else (besides me) will forego the 9pm shopping because they are still buzzing visiting with family on Thanksgiving Day.

Testing...testing.... is this thing on?

Three weeks ago I blogged that I would be taking a six week break from school and planned to blog my heart out during that break. I didn't intentionally LIE about that but somehow I haven't had a chance to get around to it. I don't know why that is...

In the last few weeks we have had a weekend with a friend's birthday party, a weekend with Hayley's birthday party, and a weekend we went to Vegas to celebrate my mom's induction into the honor society (GO MOM!!). Last night when I got home from work I frantically started thinking if there was somewhere we were supposed to be this weekend because suddenly it didn't feel right that we have a weekend with no commitments. I couldn't remember any, but if there was somewhere we were supposed to be this weekend or someone we committed to doing something with I will just apologize right now. My mind is completely drawing a blank right now.

There are lots of things I WANT to do this weekend- like clean out the kids closets and donate or give away the clothes they keep trying to cram their bodies into. Last night Sam comes running to greet me when I got home from work and she was wearing a pair of 12m shorts. The child should be wearing 4t. They were so tight they looked like boyshort undies on her. Sadly, even though they appeared to be cutting off circulation, she didn't seem bothered by them.

I want to organize my own closet. And the garage. And the basement. I want to get out some harvest decorations, since I completely missed decorating for Halloween, *GASP* my favorite holiday. I'm getting tired just thinking of all the chores I want to do this weekend. Maybe I will do nothing at all. Maybe I will read a book, catch up on tivo shows, walk on the treadmill while watching a chick flick.

Anyway, I want to apologize for making a commitment to blog more regularly and then falling short on that commitment. Work has been insanely busy (deja vu from this same time last year), life outside of work has been jam-packed, and I'm running out of time to do much else. I will try to get back to regular blogging. Don't give up on me!