The Not-So-Divine Secrets of -Motherhood-

Shortsale-Longsale

Lest you are all tired of hearing about our short sale experience I have decided to create a separate place for me to vent about that process. In case you are not tired of hearing about it you may locate the latest and greatest here:

http://shortsale-longsale.blogspot.com/

 

I will try to spare you all the boring details of our short sale lack of progress from now on- except as it relates to my life as a mother or wife. But if you sometimes wonder where I have lost my sanity you will no doubt find the reason by visiting my other blog.

We took the plunge

I promise you all that this really is a blog about Mommy-hood and not really just a blog about buying a Countrywide short sale. Unfortunately my life has been so consumed with this stupid short sale that all of the time I spend on the computer is all about buying a short sale, what the timelines are, how they escalate them, what to expect, who to harass when things aren't moving, all of that good stuff.

Actually- I also promised I would be blogging much more and to date, well, I haven't followed through on that promise. Because we have been packing and moving to our short term rental. Do you remember me saying I wasn't going to relocate unless we got some positive news by August 13th?

Don't get all excited. We haven't gotten any positive news. But we did decide to go ahead and act on a leap of faith. We packed up all our crap, stored some of it in two sixteen foot POD's and relocated the rest of it to a small rental house. So for the last two weeks we have been packing, moving, packing some more, moving some more, and unpacking.

I am not going to lie- it has been rough. I mean, rough. As in we were at the old house last night until 10:30pm packing up the last of our garbage stuff. Apparently in mover slang they call it "chowder" and we have a lot of it.

It has also been hard on my heart. We know that we are doing this for our kids- to be able to provide them a safe place to play in the backyard without the possibility of a golf ball. We are looking to provide them a dedicated play area in the house instead of a "toy closet". We want them to know the lifestyle of growing up with a basement, even in the desert. But still- it has been harder than I ever imagined, and not from a physical perspective. The first night we spent in the new house we got Hayley all pumped up about our new little house and all the fun we were going to have here. She was excited until it came to bed time. We were very careful to make sure that we had their beds all put together and their rooms organized by the time we brought them to this house so they would at least have some continuity to their lives.

Hayley started crying while I was laying in her bed with her and she said to me "Mommy, I want to go home." I said "Punkin, we ARE home."

She said, "No Mommy, I want to go to MY home."

And that did it for me. I just about broke in that one moment. I felt like a terrible mother. I felt like a failure for having uprooted my children just to accommodate these perfect tenants and also in the hope that this would be a very temporary situation. And of course that spurred us into action.

We have decided that waiting around on this short sale might not be the best thing for our kids. We also put an offer in on a bank owned property this weekend as well. It needs much work- but also it has many features that we hadn't really thought of when we put the offer in on the short sale. It is hard not to get our hopes up that we really might have some closure to this emotional home buying roller-coaster. The only reason I am not getting excited about it at all yet is because we saw the home approximately nineteen hours after it was listed on the MLS and we were already behind several other offers. We wrote an offer immediately of course- standing in the kitchen of the home. As we were leaving someone else pulled up. We wanted to tell them there was a giant dead rat in the living room and not to bother looking but we didn't.

Our realtor has followed up (I love that woman!) every day since we sent in the offer Saturday and as of right now it sounds like there are so many offers on the table that the bank might hold off reviewing any of them until it has been listed for a week or so. And then we have been told this bank will come back and ask us for our highest and best- a scare tactic to make you think that someone else is offering something better than you so you better pony up. And we will. Pony up that is.

If anyone tells you it is a buyers market in Las Vegas right now just laugh in their face and give them the bird. It isn't true. The only people that seem to be able to open doors are the cash buyers- and if I had four hundred thousand dollars in cash I certainly wouldn't be sinking it into a home in Las Vegas. It is most definitely a sellers market- at least for bank owned homes. So yeah, some of these banks have taken a bath- but it is tough to feel sorry for them in the slightest.

If you want to know where to find me in the next sixty days you won't have to look far. Take a step in any one direction in our short term rental and you can see from the front to the back of the house and side to side too. I will have my head buried in boxes trying to find somewhere to tuck things so they will be out of the way. The thing about small houses is there are less nooks and crannys. Not bad when it comes to having to clean- but not the best for hiding the chowder.

Dear Hayley

August 24th, 2009

Dear Hayley,

Today was your first day of pre-school. I could not believe that this day was upon us, and so quickly at that. I laid out your new clothes last night. I barely slept. I got up early this morning, I was just so very excited for you. I was going to wake you up like Nemo, "First day of school, first day of school!" but you beat me to it. You tiptoed around the corner with a giant smile this morning.

It was tough to get a good first day picture of you- you are going through the phase of digging in your nose with your finger. Plus you are such a ham you were posing with a toy flower. I wasn't able to convince you to put the flower down so instead every photo shows you and that silly flower.

You walked right into pre-school this morning with only a moment of shyness. The principal asked you how you were doing and you said "Pretty good!" which got a chuckle out of all.

My dear sweet little girl you make me so proud. You were of course the cutest little girl in class and I just know you are going to have so much fun in school.

I don't know where all the time has gone- but I sure wish it would slow down. When you were a baby we were so excited for all of your "firsts" and now we also know with "firsts" come "lasts" and there are so many lasts I know I will not want to see. However, I will be happy to see you picking your nose for the last time. Just a thought.

I love you Hayley Pie!

Mommy

 

When in Vegas...

It just doesn't sound right to say "do as the Vegans do". But seriously, What Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas?

Prior to last weekend we had never actually "done" Vegas. You're thinking, get out, no way- you've never done Vegas? Ever? And the answer is, we have never been to Vegas. Normally for my husband's birthday we try to get away from the heat and go somewhere cooler but this time we thought, what the heck? Let's go to Vegas!

We stayed at the Monte Carlo. Let me start off by saying that we did get a stealin' deal. I think the room was eighty bucks plus tax. On the strip! Everywhere else was upwards of two hundred so that made our decision pretty easy. The room was pretty nice- albeit maybe a bit dated. There should be some sort of cash for junkers tv trade in program. I couldn't believe that the hotel hadn't made the switch to LCD tv's in every room. Or maybe ours was just the last one left. Didn't really matter though- we weren't there to watch tv, we could do that at home.

We made arrangements for the girls to stay with my parents for the weekend (thanks Mom & Dad!) and checked in Saturday. Where, oh where do I begin?

Maybe I should start by saying we were apparently much too sober to be there. You need to blow a point one oh to even check in. It should be written in bold print before you confirm your reservation. I think that goes up to a point two oh just for admittance to the pool- but that part is coming.

We settled in our room after stupidly not being able to figure out the key card and the door. We don't get out much, cut us some slack. The nice housekeeper finally gave up making fun of us watching us to lend a hand and we got into our room on the eleventh floor. Actually, we thought the party was IN our room as soon as we opened the door as the music from the pool area was so loud. We stood in the window and looked down trying to figure out if there were any pool chairs left or if it was standing room only.

We had brought a cooler with us so we each had a frosty adult beverage and headed down to the pool. Apparently my husband is spoiled not used to packing for himself and he forgot his sandals in the car. We didn't want to trek all the way out for them so he wore his socks and sneakers with his swim shorts. It was classic. Like I said- we were much too sober to be there. If we had consumed the requisite alcohol we would have done as all the others were doing and walked barefoot from our room, through the casino, and out to the pool.

It all started when the elevator door opened to take us to the ground level. There was a man facing away from us in there with only his swim trunks on- no shirt. The doors opened and about thirty seconds went by before he turned around and walked out. That was when we noticed the very dazed drunk girl in nothing but a two piece that had apparently been leaning against the wall. Umm. We'll take the next one, thanks.

We got down to the pool and we tried another novice move. We had brought our little cooler. As if! Did I really think they were going to let us into the pool with our own alcohol? No way! Then they wouldn't be able to charge us eighteen dollars apiece for a beverage. Back up the elevator we went to deposit it back in our room. And to drink another frosty adult beverage.

By this time the sun was definitely beyond it's peak- I think it was around 3pm. We walked through the pool area twice before finding two lounge chairs that were not located right next to each other to sit in. We grabbed them quickly, deciding that the oversized, sweaty, hairy man between us was the lesser of the evils.

I will say this- the lazy river at the Monte Carlo was kind of neat. It reminded me much of the channel at Havasu- it was lined with people mostly with a constant stream of floaters going by. Everyone appeared to be having fun but again, just wish I was flat out drunk. Maybe then I wouldn't have noticed all the not very good looking people in their bare minimums.

I sure felt pretty good about my own mis-shape though! But it did leave me with iron some resolve to do something to get back in shape. We hung out at the pool for three hours or so and then decided to grab some food.

I had been salivating over the thought of a margarita from Diablo's so that was our first stop. Then we did what every good tourist should do.... We went to the buffet. Buffets just aren't what they used to be- didn't they used to be like 2.99? When did a buffet for two turn into forty five bucks? I can eat at a steakhouse for that price! At any rate, the food was fast, it was hot, and I must say, it was not bad. They had Mongolian BBQ which is my absolute favorite- and although it differed from the Mongolian BBQ that I am used to it was definitely tasty.

Unfortunately the eighteen dollar margarita caught up with me about a quarter of the way through and I had heartburn like I haven't had since I was pregnant. (No, I am not pregnant now). We cut the buffet short and hit the gift shop for some four dollar Rolaids. On our way we lost eight bucks in a slot machine and then we called it a night.

I know just what you are saying. Wow- sounds like you guys lived like Rockstars! Awesome! And although I was somewhat disgusted at the behavior of those around me I must say, I would probably do it again if I had the chance. I did have fun even if it doesn't sound like it. But for sure, the next time I do Vegas, I'm not going to do like the Vegans do, I'm definitely going to do like the tourists do!

Countrywide Short Sale Process- not exactly moving right along

So, contrary to this post we really are not moving right along with this Countrywide (Bank of America) short sale. We went into contract on May 9th (well actually I guess the seller accepted our offer on May 11th).

I posted about how I felt like we had lots of people on our team all working hard to get the job done but I have since reconsidered. The only person that I know for a fact is working hard to get the job done appears to be my realtor. Again- if you are considering buying a short sale do yourself a favor- get the best buyers realtor you can find.

We got news back on July 16th that our file had been assigned to a phase 2 negotiator (after nearly 60 days at Bank of America) and we were somewhat optimistic. Unfortunately the file has not gone anywhere. Effective this coming Thursday the 13th of August if the file still has had no action we qualify to request an "escalation".

An escalation occurs when Bank of America (Countrywide) has not performed their job within their specific time frame. So in this case the file will have been sitting untouched for 30 whole days. Once you request the escalation the file supposedly goes to a manager to get moving although I am not wholly optimistic that the manager is going to have any less case-load than the person that didn't touch it for thirty days. And as far as I am aware, there are no guaranteed turn times for an escalation. It isn't as if when you request an escalation that you will get some response back within say 72 hours.

So as of right now we have been in contract for about 75 days. We are stuck in that endless loop. I was also originally optimistic because there is a specific short sale processing company that is working for the seller's realtor. They are the ones that are actually negotiating the short sale between the bank and us as buyers- but I have done some research on them and they appear to be a much newer company than I was originally led to believe. I have not been able to locate any sort of comments on them or their success rate except comments that they have made about themselves in various press formats. It appears to me that more than anything they are a marketing company trying to sell the process to realtors- they have this automated database that they use to send out e-mail updates to all parties involved. I must admit, the system is pretty slick. Whether they are actually able to negotiate a short sale in a quick amount of time has yet to be determined. I will refrain from posting their name as of yet but I will guarantee you that I will most definitely post their name once I confirm that they are either able to do their job or they are complete hacks. Whatever did we do before we had the internet?

So to recap here is where we are at:

Day 75 in short sale negotiation with Countrywide (now Bank of America). We are in phase 2 and have been for almost 30 days with no BPO ordered as of yet and no status on when it will be ordered. There is a third party investor on this file (as there are on almost all of Countrywide's files) and also that means that once Bank of America makes the decision it will have to go to that third party for the final say. Incidentally, the 2nd lien-holder (E-loans) fully approved this short sale within 30 days of when it was submitted to them. E-loans apparently has their act together- sure wish they could teach a thing or two to Bank of America.

Oh yeah- and the tenants that we have are hoping to move into our home on September 1st. We have been searching for a short term rental and let me just tell you- I am absolutely appalled at what is out there for rentals. I mean- seriously, the health department should come in and condemn some of these places. So as of right now we are going to wait until the 13th to see if we get any additional news and if we do not there is a very good chance we are going to notify our tenants that we are not going to be able to provide them occupancy on the 1st of September. I am not about to put my children into a disgusting environment however temporary it might be just because I have a big heart and want to make sure my tenants can get their children settled before the school year starts.

Even though I work in the mortgage business and I see short sales every day I am still very disheartened at how this is working out. I have read a statistic that says less than 5% of all short sales actually close- and I don't necessarily believe that to be true. The escrow officer that is handling our file has over 200 short sales pending and her success rate is approximately 25%. My realtor discussed this file with my escrow officer and the escrow officer has said that we should be calling Bank of America every other day right now. Unfortunately the short sale processing company (3rd party) told us in their vast (questionable) experience that they tried calling every day and it netted no more productivity than calling once a week (translation- they don't want to staff up to call every day so the staffers they have only have time to call once a week)

On a side note- we loaded one POD completely and had a 2nd one delivered already. Wow we have a lot of stuff. My husband hates moving boxes that are labeled "Stuff" or "Junk" so I have simply stopped labeling them. Now they say "office, kitchen, garage". It will be like a big surprise to open them when we do finally get there.

 

*****If you want to check in on the current status of my short sale experience visit me at:

http://shortsale-longsale.blogspot.com/

From the mouth of an almost-three-year-old

The girls have been going to a different home daycare provider for about the last six weeks or so and now Hayley is hanging around a five and a half year old. You already know that children pick up all sorts of fun stuff at daycare but it cracks me up the things she says now. (At least I still find them cute and funny- one day in the not too distant future I am certain the novelty will wear off.)

Just this morning she says to me "Can I go upstairs and peek in on Sam?"

I relied "No, she is playing quietly in there because I think she is going to go back to sleep for a little bit. Why don't you sit up at the table and eat your breakfast? Or maybe sit in the chair and read this library book?"

She says to me with her head tilted at a little angle and her brow knitted "Why are you bossing me?"

It took everything I had not to giggle. "I'm not bossing you. I'm making suggestions. When I am bossing you, you will know." (Who reasons with a three year old anyway?)

 

 

Just like her other newest thing is to say "Mo-om" like she's already ten years old and I am embarassing her in front of her friends. I tell her to go get her shoes on and she says "Mo-om". Oh just wait sister, I haven't even shown you "Mo-om" yet.

 

 

And the latest and greatest. The other day I was leaving for work. We share lots of kises, hugs, and snuggles in this house and I make it a point every single day to kiss my children before I leave for work. I kissed Hayley and she put her hand to her face and WIPED IT OFF. I asked her "Did you just wipe off my kiss?"

She said "Yes." (with this coy little smile)

I asked "Why did you wipe off my kiss?"

She said "Because it was yucky."

Oh really? Yucky? I grabbed her and covered her in yucky kisses. I thought I would get more than two years ten months to kiss her before she thought that kisses from Mommy were yucky. Oh time goes way too quick. That wasn't the first time she did that but it was definitely the eye-opener for me.

Where has time gone?

I got on Typepad the other day and realized that I only posted three times in the entire month of July. Only three times. I cannot believe it. And then I realized that I haven't written any letters to my girls in ages. And then it hit me. Sam is going to be one NEXT MONTH.

It has been almost one whole year since I was on bedrest. Almost a year since I cried tears of relief at hearing her healthy little cry six weeks early. Almost a year since I cried for ten days straight while she was in the NICU.

Hayley will be three the month after Sam turns one. Hayley is starting preschool in two weeks. This time one year ago we had just moved Hayley from sleeping in a crib and all of a sudden now she is this little girl instead of a baby.

So much can happen in a year. A year goes by so quickly- and we always wonder how that happens. It's like every January we start fresh, we put away the Christmas decorations and it feels like it will be ages again before we get them out. Then next thing you know it's spring. Summer rolls in (for us usually about three days after Spring starts). It's hot and we can't wait for it to cool down just a little bit. But by the time it cools down just a little bit it becomes Halloween. Then November and December blaze by all too fast and we do it again.

It's tough to really live every single day in slow motion. I guess on our worst days it feels like the day will never end, but when you are lucky enough to have good days, well, you blink and before you know it a whole year of them are gone.

With all of the other things we have going on right now (trying to buy another house, figuring out if we are going to relocate temporarily in the mean time, working in a turbulent industry) I am going to have to make time to blog about the fun things that make it all worth it- my kids and my husband. So thanks for sticking with me and checking back often even as I haven't been a very good hostess.

I promise- I am going to barrage you with blog posts from now on.

I love this one

I can't help it. Something about this photo draws me in. I feel whimsical. Like I could get on this bike and just ride with my hair in the breeze and not a care in the world. At the end of my ride I would find myself in the Tuscan countryside with a romance novel and a picnic blanket. Red is my favorite color- maybe that is why I love this photo- I don't know. What I do know is that I was compelled to post it.

I loved the moment that I took this photo- we were at my husband's parents cabin in Northern Saskatchewan. Things are different there- a different pace, a different world. I loved it- I loved every minute. I walked the village with my camera and my wide angle lens- I took photos of the scenery, I took photos of my family, I took photos of moments.

One photo I took was of my nephews playing on a giant rock with their friends. I was so far away I captured moments without influencing them- until one of the friends spotted me and told my nephews that someone was photographing them. My nephew said in disgust "That's my aunt". And then I snapped a few more and was on my way.

I love how this photo makes me feel. I love how taking pictures makes me feel- even if I am not very good at it *yet*. I love looking at other photos. I love seeing things through the eyes of another- and the camera is the greatest invention ever. In the next few days I will try to post a few more of my favorites.

Moving Right Along- Countrywide Short Sale Process

You must be wondering if I have given up on blogging. I haven't- it's just that we have so much going on. We just got home from our vacation a few days ago and have yet to unpack. If this trip is anything like all my others we will just wear the clothes out of the suitcase until it either empties itself or we need to empty it to go on another trip.

Oh yeah- and the best part yet- we have moved into Phase Two Negotiation with the seller's bank for the new home we are buying. So of course this means so many things- it means that I really need to get serious about packing now. The one box I have packed from the junk under the bathroom sink isn't going to get us very far.

We have tenants for our current home and they have already signed the lease- we were just hesitant to sign it ourselves not knowing if Countrywide was even going to let the seller short sale the home. The only problem with the lease is that they want to take possession of our home by September 1st in order to get their kids all settled before it gets too far into the school year- something I can definitely appreciate. We are 99% certain that the new home won't be closing by September 1st so it is sounding like we will be moving twice, a prospect I am not even remotely excited about.

I have been terrible when it comes to googling things with regards to short sales. I could liken my habit to when I used to google everything about pregnancy. The problem in both cases is that no one ever posts anything positive- all you ever hear on those chat boards is everyone's negative experience. And then of course it is oh-so-easy to compare your situation and think that yours will also turn out that way.

So anyway- if you are interested in hearing about how the short sale process works let me share how ours has gone.

May 7th, 2009- the home was listed on the MLS.

May 9th- we made an offer at list price and asked for 3% seller contribution to closing costs.

May 11th- seller accepted offer with no counter offer.

May 22nd- short sale negotiation team working as a mediator between bank and seller submitted seller's short sale packages to both of their lenders (Countrywide and E-loan)

June 23rd- E-loan fully approved the short sale

June 29th- Countrywide finally assigned the paperwork to a Phase 1 negotiator. We were told Phase 1 would be 15 days but considering they had the package for over 30 days before even assigning it I felt it would likely be closer to 30 days for phase 1 also. Phase one is where they review the sellers need to do a short sale. Not everyone qualifies to short sale their home- if the bank determines that you have the financial ability to pay for your home but just don't want to then they will reject your short sale request. Similarly- if the seller still lives in the home and wants to retain it you might find that during the short sale process the bank will find a way to work with the seller to modify their loan and keep them in the home. In our case the seller has already relocated out of state- so I didn't worry about that.

July 17th- we got notification that Countrywide moved the file to Phase 2 negotiations. This means that the seller must have had all of their paperwork in and that Countrywide did see that the home was best to be short sold. I don't know exactly how long Phase 2 will take but since I am in the mortgage business and I have seen plenty of short sales being financed by the new buyers I have seen some communication that Phase Two with Countrywide is *supposed to* take 60 days. Phase 2 is where they order the BPO (broker price opinion- similar to an appraisal). Once they have the BPO value they determine if they are going to accept your offer.

I feel pretty confident- the home was listed fairly with regards to other comps in the neighborhood and we offered list price. Be forewarned- don't think that on a short sale you are going to be able to go in and offer the bank even less than fair market value. Just because they are allowing the seller to short sale does not mean that they are going to take any more off the price than they already are. I have read numerous posts by people that offered just under what the seller was asking for list price and either Countrywide rejected or never replied to the offer. I suppose it was because the offer might have been an insult to them. Just keep in mind here- this is a business too. In some cases the seller is short saling for only a little less than they owe- but in many cases we are buying these homes for less than half what the seller owes. It's ok at a retail store to ask a clerk to take an additional 10% off when you find a stain on a clearance shirt- they might actually do it. It just doesn't work that way with the bank. Offer fair market value for the home and I believe your experience will go along with less disappointment.

Another few things that I think we have going in our favor- the seller's realtor is a huge broker here in town. She has a full staff of people that handle short sales. Someone goes to the house every week to inspect it (a bonus in a town where vandalism of vacant properties is running rampant). She has a short sale negotiator on staff- this person helps the seller structure their sale before they ever list it so that they are more likely to obtain bank approval once they get to the bank's negotiator. They also contract a short sale processing company- a third party that does nothing but call the sellers bank once a week to follow up on the process. And finally- I have the world's best realtor. She has gotten her name on the e-mail distribution list from the short sale processing company so that she gets an auto-update every time they make a note in the file. If their note indicates that they are going to call and follow up on July 6th and she does not see the auto-update she then e-mails them and asks for status. I feel confident that we have lots of people on our side- and they are all doing their jobs when it comes to following up.

I have read lots of horror stories- Countrywide loses the paperwork. They reassign the negotiator five times. They close the case without notifying anyone. I am certain these things do happen. One post that I read suggested that you as a buyer contact the short sale department of Countrywide. Some posts even had names and e-mail addresses for managers at Countrywide. I did debate doing that myself but I have to tell you- it isn't wise.

First of all they aren't likely to respond. Second- unless your seller has specifically contacted Countrywide and notified them that you are allowed to discuss the sellers loan with them you aren't going to get anywhere. I had to separate myself from this transaction as a buyer and think of it from the perspective of the job that I do- I would never ever give out information on any loan in process to anyone other than my broker in the transaction. So if I had a desperate buyer calling me (no matter how sad their story or how educated they seemed) I still would not give them any information. So save your breath. Instead follow the appropriate "chain of command" and hire the best professionals you can find to work on your side. Start with the right buyers realtor. Ask plenty of questions about the short sale you are buying- what is their situation for the short sale? Have they lost a job? Moving out of state? Divorcing?

Not every seller's realtor is going to be as fluent in short sales as ours is. Not every city has as many short sales as we do- but ask your realtor to check with the sellers realtor. How many short sales have they handled? Who is helping the seller put their short sale package together to submit to the bank? Who will be following up on the short sale and when will they be following up? Weekly? Every other week?

And finally- prepare yourself for this process. Here is where I will sound like a hypocrite. I deal with short sales every single day in my line of work as a mortgage lender. I knew KNEW what I was getting into when I signed up for this and yet I still have anxiety about the time-lines. First of all- if you are on a deadline just don't bother with a short sale. If you know you need to move by a certain date- pass. Very few short sales are happening in less than 60 days- including those that may have already had previous bank approval and the previous buyer fell out of escrow.

We thought that we were immune to the stress of worrying about the time-line because we already do own a home and were in no hurry to move. However when we started worrying about how long it would take to rent our current home out we listed it on the MLS thinking it would sit there for 60 or 90 days with no offers and we would then have to decrease our rent to find a tenant. Little did we know- a rental property in the middle of the desert with a swimming pool is a VERY HOT commodity. We had four serious tenants in the first week. We should have just used that as an indicator that our home would rent quickly and then take it off the MLS but instead we decided to work with one of the tenants because they were willing to wait until September 1st to take occupancy. Hence the stress of us now having a time-line. If you are going to make the same mistake just know what you are getting yourself into.

Our next big mistake (which will hopefully turn out to not be such a mistake) is that we did go ahead and do an extended lock on our loan. We have financing approved for the new property and rates were on a total roller-coaster starting two days after our offer was accepted. At the time we wrote the offer we probably could have gotten 4.625% if the seller paid the discount of 2 points. Within a few days the rate went to 5.25% at the same cost of 2 points. I started freaking out (who, me?). So I watched the rates like a hawk and as soon as they dipped back down we locked at 4.875% at a cost of 2.375. Because we did an extended lock we had to pay .125% up front- which is also non-refundable even if the loan doesn't close. We have seen some offers to Countrywide in which the bank refuses to pay the closing costs on the short sale- so if that is the case then we will be responsible to buy down our own rate (should the loan close on time). So again, stress. Brought upon myself of course.

I'm just telling you- there have been some positives to my experience, but I have also created some of my own negatives. If you are thinking about or even already in the midst of buying a Countrywide short sale just know that it isn't all doom and gloom. Some people say they have been in the middle of it for a year and a half with no end in sight- and I'm not saying that isn't possible, but if that is the case it is likely for a very good reason. Maybe they didn't have their paperwork all together. Maybe they had one or more buyers that bailed- and incidentally, there is no "substituting" buyers on a short sale. If a seller goes into contract with Buyer A and that buyer decides they can't wait anymore but he has found Buyer B right at the finish line they will have to go back to Countrywide to renegotiate. Plan on at least 60-90 more days.

And just one last thing- if you can't handle stress like this, just pass. Your realtor and your loan officer will thank you.

 

****If you want to check in on current status of my short sale experience visit me at:

http://shortsale-longsale.blogspot.com/ 

Rules for Road Trips

After having just driven twenty nine hours straight in a car with a two and a half year old and a nine month old I have decided to share the rules for road trips with you. You know, so you will benefit from my pain knowledge.

1. The first rule- there are no rules.

2. It is perfectly acceptable to allow your two ear old to stay up all night watching DVD's while you are on the road. Bedtime? Nonsense. After all, if you make them go to sleep at a reasonable hour who is going to keep you company at three am?

3. Beef Jerky for breakfast is A-OK.

4. Chewing peppermint gum in lieu of brushing your teeth for more than 24 hours is completely hygienic. I am sure there is a dentist out there that would recommend it if you ask the gum manufacturer.

5. The basic food groups are not meat, dairy, fruits/veggies, and grains. The basic food groups are sweets, chips, beef jerky, and Rockstar. You must eat a minimum of three servings from each group for every six hours  spent in the car to ensure that you have consumed a healthy road trip diet.

6. Don't bother organizing the contents of the car before you embark on your road trip. It is part of the excitement of a road trip to drive down the road after not sleeping for 24 hours with one hand on the wheel and the other hand submerged in the chaos behind the seat to locate the sippy cup your infant just threw over and now can't live without.

7. Whatever you do- DO NOT wash the bugs off your windshield at every stop. You will need them in the middle of the night to reaffirm your hallucinations that you see a deer on the side of the road ready to leap into the path of your speeding overloaded car.

8. Make friends with everyone at the truck stop. You will want to know who you are laughing at when they blow your doors off and then you pass them later as they are getting a ticket.

9. Close your eyes whenever entering a roadside bathroom. Don't open them until you are back in your car.

10. No matter how well you prepare or how many snacks you stuff into them your children will be over the thrill of a road trip within the first two hours. Buying them trinkets at every truck stop will only add to the amount of stuff you will have to clean out of the car after the trip. Save your money and just ignore their cries of boredom.

And finally- eventually it will end. You will arrive at your destination where you will likely consume large amounts of alcohol and hopefully build up enough energy to get back in the car and do it all over again to get home.

When exactly did I become her?

If I had a nickel for every time I said "When did those kids get so grown up?" I know I would have at least a handful of nickels. Maybe enough to roll them. But today I wondered, when exactly did I get so grown up?

I mean, it seems like just yesterday I was nine years old, it was summer time, and I was going around to all my neighbor's houses offering to sweep their porches for a quarter. I was a real entrepreneur. I knew in my right mind that no one was going to be so cheap as to only pay me a quarter- but neither could they turn down the good work ethic of a kid asking to do chores for twenty five cents. I made at least a buck per porch that summer- it was the equivalent of ten bucks an hour. In 1984. Not bad...

And then fast forward- I was in ninth grade. My best friend in ninth grade was a New Kids on the Block fanatic and I quickly became one too. We made prank calls to all the Subway sandwich shops in town asking if they would deliver. We found one with a hormone-driven sixteen year old on the other end who agreed to drive all the way over to our side of town after his shift. It was dangerous- and if I ever find out my girls are doing something like that I will, well, I don't know what I will do. But he wound up being a nice guy- and he could drive. We were only fourteen and he was sixteen- it was a big deal. My friend dated him and I dated his little brother- who was more age appropriate.

Minutes after that I was graduating high school- so excited to get out in "the real world". College was a blur- wasn't it for everyone? I got married when I was twenty four. A worldly, grown up twenty four.

I blinked and I became a mother. Time is moving at warp speed now and in just one brief moment I realized I grew up. I have responsibilities. I work full time, I am a manager and my staff depends on me. I have to make tough choices every day at work, sometimes I have to do things that I know my staff won't like or understand but I do them to protect my team. Sometimes that makes me unpopular.

I am a wife. I absolutely adore my husband and he and I couldn't be a better team. But my half of the responsibility to that team is keeping my household running. That means buying groceries, cooking dinner, paying the bills, doing the laundry, coordinating where we need to be, and when we need to be there.

I am a mother. This is the part that chokes me up. I am a mother. I am so grateful to be a mother- and yet tonight I think I finally realized exactly what that means. It means when I say I'm heading off to bed I check on my children first, tuck them back in, tidy up their rooms, and lay out their clothes for the morning. I love their sweet little sleep noises- and their peaceful expressions. I love their rambunctious moments. I ache for them when they hurt or are sick. It means that much like my job as a manager sometimes I will have to make unpopular decisions. Sometimes they will understand why and sometimes they will not. I will do everything I can to protect them, and also to teach them how to fly on their own.

You see, someday when they blink they too will realize they are all grown up. They will wonder when they became that grown up woman. They will be thankful for all of the opportunities they have had in their lives and they too will look forward to the many more experiences they have yet to see.

I hope to live more in the moment, so that one day I can look back and know that there wasn't an exact time that I became who I am, but more a combination of many times, and that I can remember all of my favorite ones.

Totally Random Friday

If you want some randomness you are in the right place.

My kids slept in today- until 6:15. That is awesome!

So far I have brought home about twenty boxes and have only packed one. It has taken me a week to clean out the closet in the office. Maybe moving isn't going to be as easy as I think?

Hayley fell off the chair that she was jumping on and bonked her head. Hard. She has a goose egg that keeps growing and growing so we are letting her stay up late to watch Max and Ruby. Hmm. Disobey the rules. Jump on the furniture. Fall off and hit your head. Get rewarded for it?

This time next week I expect to be sitting out on the deck at my in-laws house in Canada- hopefully wearing a sweatshirt in the cool evening air. With a frost adult beverage. And fifty eight aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, and friends to help keep my children entertained. I cannot wait.

We haven't heard any news on the new house. Well, a little news- the seller's 2nd lienholder accepted the short sale. But that doesn't really help us because their first lienholder is Countrywide and apparently their reputation precedes them. It isn't good. I will not lie- I am not above resorting to bribery tokens of my appreciation (bundt cake?) to get things done. I just don't know where to send it- but if I find out, well I will drown them in bundt cake until they approve the seller's short sale.

Sam is eating people food. ohmywhendidshegrowup? She eats everything. I mean, everything. With Hayley we had to give her all the veggies first because once she had a taste of fruit it was game over. With Sam- just shovel it in. Any order will do, just keep the food coming. I love it.

Right now I'm hogging my husband's laptop. I don't think he appreciates my horning in on his nightly ritual of vegging on the computer in front of the tv. Especially since the tv is currently playing the second episode of Max and Ruby. In a row.

The baby blanket that I have been knitting is coming along nicely- I will post pictures of it once it is finished.

Oh yeah- and I ordered the cutest stinkin' bows from an Etsy shop- go check out Karina's Kreations. I got my order today and I love it, love it, love it. I ordered the headband with bow for my bald little Sam and she just looked so darn cute- she didn't even try to pull it off. Hayley wanted to wear one too- so I let her- and it fit her too. Which makes me very, very happy. It means that I can use it for one or both girls. It also means that Sam will be able to wear it longer than just the baby stage- and these days I am all about the multi-functional items. Go there. Buy something. She is so friendly, ships super fast, and the packaging was so darn cute- I will be ordering again very soon.

We don't have any plans for this weekend- except packing to move and packing to go on a ten day road trip. Which means we won't get any packing done this weekend for either and we will be scrambling both before our road trip and right before we move. Par for the course.

I need to quit rambling so I can turn over the computer to my husband and so that I can coax Hayley to head to bed before this episode of cartoons ends. Wish me luck.

Do You Believe?

Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

I do.

Today I showed our home to a potential tenant. Her name is my name. Her husband's name is my husband's name. It gave me the chills the instant I welcomed them- it was like it was just totally meant to be.

I felt so totally comfortable with them that I even told them I would consider moving out even before the new house closes. THAT should tell you how much I think of these people. Remember this? And how I swore I wouldn't consider doing that again? Right. So I told them that if the new house hasn't closed by August I really would consider moving into a temporary location while we wait for our new house to close- depending mostly on the information we get from the seller's bank before then.

Last night I showed our home to another potential tenant. They were willing to wait until mid to end of August for our home too- but they didn't give me the chills the way the tenant today did.

And just now I got another phone call from a military family looking to relocate here. I always get the warm fuzzies about military people because I know the discipline they live with on their jobs.

All three of these tenants are willing to sign extended leases- at least two years. I am just so...relieved. I mean, this is our home. This was not an investment property. We have put four years of love into this house- every shrub, flower, and tree were painstakingly planted by our own hands. We take pride in our home- as everyone does and we just want someone that will love our home and respect it as much as we have.

I am feeling very blessed right now to have multiple potential tenants looking at our home. I honestly thought that it would take a good two or three months and we would have to drop the rent just to get someone in here. I am just hoping that we will also get some good news from the seller's banks in short order. I mean, we have loan approval for the new home. We locked that loan on an extended lock already. We have tenants for our home. We are 100% ready to move- just one small glitch- don't have bank approval to purchase the new home yet.

I am going to have to remind myself that I do believe everything happens for a reason.

Everything I love about my husband

We have been married for nine years. Nine. And every single day I still find things to laugh about- things that I adore about my husbandd. There are probably so many that I couldn't even list them all. We are probably the kind of couple that makes you sick- we just have so much fun together. I can't remember the last time we argued. We have never had an actual fight. I am thankful every single day that my husbandd is who he is- and that he loves me for who I am. We aren't busy trying to change each other. I really don't know why we work so well together- he is an antagonist and I am a control freak. It's not up to me to analyze how or why we work- but I do want to tell you some of the things I love about my husband- since it is Father's Day Weekend and all.

1. He is the most amazing father ever and I find myself surprised on a daily basis. He has taken puke more gracefully than I ever could. I have found him attentively sipping from a teacup when Hayley wants to have a tea party. He has rocked baby dolls to sleep. He has quickly come to the rescue when minuscule spiders or flies have landed near Hayley and she is having a screaming fit.

2. He is a fabulous teacher- and not just because he has a teaching degree. He can teach anyone anything. It must have something to do with his endless patience (which I clearly do not have).

3. He has the best sense of humor- and his sense of humor really brings out the best in others. The girls at work all giggle at him- and so do I. His ring-tone for awhile there was "Sexyback" and if you know him in person, well then you know why we all get a chuckle. It isn't that he isn't attractive or sexy- it's just so unexpected coming from him. The funniest part was that when his phone would ring he would always let it get through the first line and he would sometimes do a little groove when it was ringing. I love that.

4. He does nice little things without asking for praise or recognition. Some guys want you to know the lengths they go to for you. He doesn't. For example I have not put gas in a car since before I had Sam. And honestly, I was so clueless that I didn't even recognize it until a few months ago. It was just that he would take whichever car happened to be on empty and fill it up. Who says chivalry is lost?

5. He knows just how to listen when I need him to. How to agree with me when I need him to. How to quietly show me that I need to calm down. He supports me in some of the craziest decisions (honey, let's buy another house!). He trusts me to make good decisions and he doesn't second guess me.

6. He is a tinker-boy. Is that offensive? To call a man a tinker? He can fix anything- and I mean ANYTHING. Right as I type he has just gotten out a plethora of tools to do I-don't-know-what but I know that once he is done it will be fixed. Of course, his downfall is that he doesn't usually put away the tools- but that is a character flaw that I absolutely love. He has fixed so many things that I have written off and planned to throw away- and in this economy I think it's important to get back to the days of fixing instead of the days of disposable.

7. He is an awesome gardener. I have a need for everything to be symmetrical and organized. We originally planted a planter box with rosebushes perfectly placed, palm trees strategically located, and fruit trees well thought out. I have come out to find miscellaneous stuff haphazardly growing- a palm tree right under a rosebush (because it was just a seed and he didn't think it would grow). Squash and peppers jumbled together in chaos. Pots with wildflowers shooting up over top of more palm tree seedlings that grew. I found a little gardening sign for him about five years ago and it is ever so appropriate "I don't remember planting this?". And that is totally him.

8. He has a better eye for picking out clothes for me than I have for myself. He says his secret is that he just looks for what the mannequin is wearing and he buys the exact same outfit-but I have tried that trick and I just don't think it works the same.

9. He surprises me every now and then by doing something at just the time when I need it the most. Maybe it's running the dishwasher. The other day it was that he remembered to put the roast in the crock pot after I had left for work and forgotten. Last night he rummaged in the freezer and found a lasagna and had dinner ready by the time I got home from my haircut. Sometimes it's picking up the dry cleaning that I have been too busy to grab for a week- without having been asked.

10. He is a good friend. Not only to me but to our other friends. He has given up Saturday's to help friends move. He has run errands when they haven't been able to get to them. He will do anything for them even if it means sacrificing something he wanted to do for himself. I love that about him. He is dependable. Trustworthy. People love him as much as I do. He takes care of my sister in town- he laid a tile floor for her (even if it took three years of her asking). He would help out anyone in need. I know just how much his family misses having him around because he was also their rock- but I am just so grateful to have him in my life. I am so happy that my friends and family adore him as much as I do.

There are so many reasons I love my husband. I can't put them all to words and I don't even really think I did him justice in this post- but I felt the need to say it. Happy Father's Day Sweetie- I love you!

Now THAT was a Firedrill!

I think I mentioned that we have an offer in on another house. We haven't heard anything from the sellers bank yet- so we really don't even have any sort of guess on when we could move but being the ultra-conservative plan A, B, C kind of girl I figured that we needed to list our house for rent sooner rather than later.

So Friday afternoon around 3:45 my realtor listed our house in the MLS- we didn't even have any photos online. I have been watching other rentals in our neighborhood and it seemed the going trend was that they were listed for anywhere from 60-90 days and then found renters at decreased rents. Neither was a prospect I was looking forward to.

Anyway- we listed the house on Friday and should I admit that I forgot about it? Until I got a call from a realtor at 10:30 Sunday morning wanting to show the house in two hours. We had company in town (thanks for the extra hands Kymmie!) but we said we would show it. And then we scurried about tucking things in dark corners and behind closed doors.

It turned out that the potential tenant loved the place. We talked business and told him we would take a lesser rent if they would sign a two year contract with an option for a third. They were my dream tenants. Only one catch- they wanted the place like now. So we settled on July 3rd as a possession date. OMG. What was I thinking?

I didn't sleep last night- running through the list of things that needed to be done for us to move out. Finish the backyard landscaping. Touch up paint. Schedule movers. Schedule someone to disassemble the pool table. Oh wait- here's one- find somewhere else to live! With two kids, two cats, and four thousand square feet worth of furniture. Pack- who can forget about packing? And we don't want to stay long- actually we don't even know how long we want to stay. Could be 60 days. Could be six months.

So today I made my list. I called movers. I scheduled someone to break down the pool table. I had my realtor calling on rentals. And around 3:30 this afternoon the tenant backed out. Ordinarily I think I would have been upset but honestly, I am quite relieved. I was so not prepared to move in fourteen days. I do not want to pay money to move twice. I am not even sure the short sale is going to get approved- and I would hate to give up my beautiful home and then have to go find one to rent for myself if I do move a tenant in.

But now that the firedrill is over I have learned a few things about preparedness. I had my realtor revise the availability date on our home to August 15th. I am bringing home a few more boxes from work. I am now a bit more confident that with the flurry of activity in just two days that we will definitely find a renter for our home in a timely manner. We'll see how things go over the next few weeks. Hopefully we will have some good news- both from the seller's bank for the home we are in contract for and with regards to finding a tenant for our home.

This One's for My Sister

It's tough being the oldest of four. It's tough being the oldest, period. Our parents expect more of us because we are the oldest. We know that we are being held to higher examples so our siblings will have someone to follow. I can't speak for all oldest children but I can say that I felt the need to be more and do more because well, I was the oldest.

I mothered my sisters their whole lives- and not because we didn't have a mother. I was told over and over again by our mother that she would take care of them- but I guess because I am the oldest, maybe because I am a Virgo, and maybe it's just because that's who I am- but I still felt the need to protect them and watch over them.

I'm a tough love kind of girl. Don't come to me for a sympathetic shoulder because you are not likely to get one. I'm going to tell you to "(wo)man up" and deal with it. I am a realist- which in my mind is neither an optimist or a pessimist. I call it like I see it- whether that's right or wrong is irrelevant.

I think because of my hard core approach my sisters tend to shy away from telling me their problems. And I do feel bad about that- because I wish that I could make myself more approachable. But I also want so much for them that I just don't want to see any of them go through heartache, heartbreak, or loss.

So when my baby sister finally admitted that they were struggling my heart immediately went out to her. All of my sisters make me so proud- but she is especially close to me because she works for me. I just didn't know what to say or do to help her. They had to find a new place to live- and in short order. She told me about how they found a house and put an offer and I gave her the third degree by asking why they offered full list price with no request for seller concessions. She told me that they would want/need to paint and replace carpet before moving in and I asked her why the carpets couldn't just be cleaned.

This went on and on. Apparently they looked at over 60 properties. They made offers on like ten or twelve of them. Every one of them was "the one" and every time she came to tell me about how the house hunt was going I told her to thicken up. I remember one day she was crying in my office- the emotional toll had gotten the best of her and she could take no more. I don't recall my specific response but I knew immediately from her body language it was the wrong one. I asked her what kind of reaction she had been expecting from me and she told me that she didn't know but that she didn't expect it to have been so harsh.

And so I have been working really hard at trying to soften my approach. I'm still tough love. I'm still a realist- but I am trying hard not to say out loud what I might really think. Want to know why? Because I guess maybe I finally get it. We are in the midst of our own emotional home buying experience.

This was the first home we looked at. We offered list price. (we did however ask for a seller concession). We knew exactly what we were getting into with it being a short sale- and honestly the longer it takes the more we benefit. By that I mean that if it takes four more months to close that is four more months we have to save some money, and the value of the property could potentially decrease more between now and then which only benefits us as we will get a decreased sales price.

However I now completely "Get" the paint, flooring, repairs thing. Originally when we looked at this house the reason we were so sold was because it really is move-in ready. I mean these people took such good care of this home that they even took the care to get the nail holes repaired and repainted in the home before it was shown. Who does that anymore? Especially if they aren't going to get any more money out of it for their extra efforts? So when we looked at it there were like four rooms that would need carpets replaced before we moved in- but I figured we could leave the rest until we had more liquid funds. And as far as paint went- I wasn't worried about that at all.

Yet here I am- it seems the longer we wait the more I come up with that I want fixed before we move in. If we are going to replace a few rooms of carpet, shouldn't we just do them all before we move in? If we are going to paint the girls rooms before we move, shouldn't we just get them all painted? Since we are going to put in flooring, why waste money by putting in carpet? If I want to put in wood floors or tile floors in some rooms, shouldn't I just do it all now? We have plantation shutters in the girls rooms now- and their new rooms have blinds, but shouldn't we just get the shutters put in before we move in so it will be one less thing to worry about? The kids rooms in the new house have wallpaper- and although it is cute wallpaper I don't dig it enough to keep it. So since we are going to have to strip wallpaper shouldn't we just put up wainscoting like we did in Hayley's room already? And shouldn't we just do that before we move in?

So to my dear baby sister and her partner- my deepest apologies. I get it. I mean, I really get it. I will try in the future to be more sympathetic to the cause. I will try not to whine and gripe about my own situation but if anyone comes to me in the future looking for a shoulder you might find that it has gotten softer than it was previously.

The Great Unknown

I might not be around much in the coming weeks- and then again I might be around more often than I think. We put an offer in on another house on the 9th of May. The seller is doing a short sale (they owe more on it than it is worth- who doesn't?).

It's been a fairly emotional rollercoaster already and we are only a few weeks into the deal. We don't know if the seller's bank is going to accept the offer. We don't know how long it is going to take. We don't know if we are going to be able to find anyone to rent our current home since we also owe more than it is worth. Ahh, The Great Unknown.

So in the mean time we are in Super-Economy-Mode. (Which is even harder than Economy-Mode). We know it is going to take money to move, money to fix up the things in the new house that we would want fixed. Money to furnish the new rooms (basement!) that we don't already have in this house. Money to maybe pay two house payments if we can't find someone to rent this one right away.

It's actually all a very scary prospect. I have been wondering if it is too bold of a move right now- in our economy. I have been wondering if by doing this we will be sacrificing some of the things we love the most- like little weekend trips here or there. Or just splurging on the girls when we see something we know they will love.

But then I think again about it- we have the opportunity to move into a home with a basement and a backyard so big that we can put in that dream swingset (can we afford it anymore?) that we have been talking about since Christmas. Each of the girls will get their own attached bathroom in the new house- something I feel will be extremely handy in their tween and teen years. The new house has a perfect spot to plant a garden- and not just one that grows in between rosebushes in a planter box. The new house has a three car garage instead of the two car garage that we have. And did I mention the basement? Lots of storage down there for all the Christmas stuff so it doesn't clutter up that new garage. The new house has a playroom- PLAYROOM I am telling you instead of just a toy closet. The new house has a gigantic concrete patio in the backyard where the girls can write with chalk, ride their bikes, learn to roller-blade. It has a basement, did I mention that?

It's tough not to get excited about it. I've already mentally moved in. I'm decorating it in my head every single day- when I check out the photos on the MLS again and again. It's even harder just really not knowing if/when the seller's bank will approve the short sale. It's equally as hard to watch that while they are inundated and moving slow the rates are not moving slow- in the span of time since we put in the offer our rate has moved up by half a point.

And in the mean time- regardless of whether we do move or not I am trying to clean up closets, corners, and piles of stuff. We have mountains of it. I am listing stuff on E-bay and Craigslist every weekend. I am calling charities to bring trucks (more than one!). So if you do wonder where I am- you are likely to find me buried under a pile of stuff, sorting it- this one goes to E-bay, this one goes to Craigslist, this one goes to charity, this one goes to trash.

I will try to make time to blog and read blogs. And I will definitely keep you updated if when the seller's bank accepts our offer and we have a timeline on moving. Don't worry if you are one of my local friends- we won't punish you by asking you to help. (Dad). If anything we might just ask you if we can bring the girls over to your house so we can keep them out of the way of the movers. So I guess we will just wait and see. If it is meant to be, well then it will be. Everything will come together- the seller's bank, the financing, the timing. And if it isn't meant to be then we will just have to dream about that house in the desert with a basement- kind of like an oasis that disolves when you get too close.

Too Young to Lie

I love the innocence of very young children- the ones that are too young to know how to lie yet.

We have two ten year old cats. I used to work for a towing company and we once impounded a car from a not-so-nice part of town. The problem was the abandoned car contained six baby kittens no more than a few days old. They still had their eyes sealed shut and their umbilical cords attached. We begged the driver to go back and look for the mommy cat but he said he was lucky enough to get out with the car the first time and he sure as hell wasn't going back.

We called the animal shelter and they offered to come pick them up but they would put them to sleep because they weren't able to eat on their own and the shelter didn't have any foster families available. I didn't even know there were foster families for animals!

And there is a sucker born every day. Usually it is me. I took all six of these things home, bought tiny bottles and kitten formula and raised these things the good old fashioned way- feeding them every two hours and wiping their little bums like a momma cat would. Two of the six got very sick and died despite very expensive trips to the vet so I held the remaining four very close to my heart. I kept two and my mom and sister each took one of the others.

Needless to say these cats really don't know they are cats at all. I used to tuck Allie in the pocket of my bathrobe and carry her around while I was getting ready in the morning. My husband used to let Chomp sleep on his chest while he lay in the recliner watching tv. (Until they both hit sixteen pounds).

They were completely spoiled until we had children. For six years they were pretty much the Queens of the House. If they wanted to lounge in the sunny spot on the floor they did so.

Unfortunately Hayley came and really shook their world up. They are constantly on guard now and Allie (who was never truly a social cat even before Hayley came), well Allie barely ever makes it out of the bedroom anymore. Hayley loves to try and pet the kitties even though sometimes she gets a little too close for their liking and they hiss. Chomp is pretty mellow and it takes quite a bit for her to spook but Allie, we just leave her alone.

Last night I found Hayley in my closet (Allie's Lair). Hayley said "Mommy, the kitty yelled at me." (Hissed)

Me: "Really? Why did she yell at you?"

Hayley:"I kicked her."

And there you have it. Give it two more years and there will be some fabulous explanation instead of the plain and simple truth.

Updated Pictures

I realized the other day that it's been at least a century since I have posted any photos of the girls. They have both grown so much you might not even recognize them.

 

Dada and Sam about six weeks ago?

 

Sisters. Aren't they cute?

 

Happy Mother's Day to me.

 

Sam is crawling now and walking will be next.

 

Dada and Hayley

 

And last but not least- another beautiful sunset. This photo is straight out of the camera- I promise. Just took it last night.

Fathers Day is Coming

If you are like me you probably have no idea what to get your husband for Father's Day. It's tough- the guy has everything. The kids aren't yet old enough to make him a gift (although Hayley is getting good at making cards and pictures). So I was really happy when Beth did the homework for me. You've gotta check out her suggestions.

In the mean time I went ahead and ordered this for my husband- I think it will be the perfect place for him to put his watch and wedding ring every night. If you want to order one you better hurry up- you need to order it by tomorow (May 31st) to get it in time for Father's Day. It's an Etsy shop- The Brick Kiln. Go there. Check it out. Order one. They even have them available with more kids, less kids, you name it.

 

Not Even Sure if This is Appropriate to Blog About

It's just so darn funny I have to blog it- although I am not really sure if it is even appropriate. Although I guess anything goes in blog world so I'll share anyway.

I have said it before- the things that kids say are just so classic. I told a story about my friend and her daughters once before and I said that I couldn't wait until I had my own stories- and now I am at that stage and I just love it.

Last night I was putting Hayley to bed. We have a routine- we read a story, we turn on the bedtime CD, and we lay together for one song. (OK- lately we have a giant bedtime battle which includes laying together for most of the CD and then her getting out of bed every two minutes for another hour after that- but that's to talk about on a different day).

She has this newest thing about sharing a pillow, which means that she snuggles so close to you her hair tickles your nose and it's all you can do to try and lay still for a few minutes hoping she will relax enough to go to sleep.

We were sharing a pillow and I was laying there with my eyes closed listening to Baby Coldplay. (By far the very best nighttime instrumental CD ever). I felt a little tiny hand rubbing me and I hear her say "Mommy, I rub your boobies?".

"Umm, no, I don't think you should rub my boobies".

"I'll just pat them then?"

"No, you don't need to pat them either."

"I'll pat them, NICELY?"

"No thank you, even nicely I don't need you to rub or pat them."

"Ok"

Don't you just wonder what is going through the mind of a child?

Potty Training is fun?

So last summer we thought Hayley might be potty trained before the new baby got here. When we were on vacation in Canada she told us every time she needed to pee- and we went several days in a row with her going potty on the big potty.

Then we came home. You know how the rules are always out the window while you are on vacation? I guess they also have reverse effect when you get home. She didn't really care to tell us anymore about going on the potty and we really didn't push her as she was not yet even two years old.

Sam came early and our lives were tossed upside down. Potty training was the furthest thing from my mind and really, since I went back to work in January has not really been a priority. I mean, usually she will tell us when she needs to poop but she really could care less if she wears a pee diaper all day.

So for the last week we have been making a concerted effort to teach her to recognize when she needs to potty and to go before it happens. For the last two days she has told us she needs to pee- but after we do the mad dash to the bathroom we discover she has already gone.

I took her to Costco this afternoon and in the middle of checking out my overflowing order she told me she needed to pee. DILEMMA! Do I tell her it's ok to just pee in her pull-up or do I figure out how to get her to the bathroom in time? And does she really need to go or has she already gone?

Fortunately for me- all the planets were aligned and the stars were shining down on me because there was no one else in line behind me at the checkout. I had already swiped my credit card and the checker told me to go ahead and go while she finished my order. I grabbed Hayley like a football under my arm and made a mad flip-flop wearing dash to the ladies room. There was one stall open- hurrah- but there were no paper seat covers- oh no! I hastily covered the seat with teepee and plopped her down. I had to hold her hands as she has this thing about gripping the seat and well, it was a public restroom. I think she got shy bladder because all of a sudden we had nothing. We tried singing. Talking. Silence. Nothing.

I got her all put back together and went to locate my cart full of groceries. Then I was worried she was going to pee the pull-up the second I got her in the car so I drove home like a madwoman and ran her in the house where to my surprise she did pee on the potty.

Oh the joys.

Not So Divine Secret Number ?

It has been so long since I have even posted any of my revelations about motherhood that I don't even know what secret number this would be.

I find that before I was a mother it all appeared so cut and dried. Your child misbehaved, you disciplined them. Your child's face was dirty, you washed it. You were serving spaghetti for dinner, they ate it. You were going out to eat, you changed their clothes and combed their hair.

HA! I don't know if I could have been further from the truth! So yes, my child misbehaves, and I discipline her. But in my wisdom of motherhood I have learned that you choose your battles. Sometimes I do choose to overlook that little tantrum because I know that I am going to need my strength and resolve for the next one- a much bigger one. Before I had kids I really had no concept. Everything for me was very simple.

My kids faces get dirty- and I wash them. And wash them. And wash them. Sometimes their faces are dirty and I don't wash them. That doesn't mean I don't love my kids. It doesn't mean that I don't care. It means that at some point I have to let them be children- and that means that there is going to be a little smudge here or there. It's ok.

Ahhh, the dinner thing. Or lunch. Or breakfast. My child is a picky eater. It is not because I did not offer her a variety of foods as a baby nor is it because I am only forcing my favorite foods on her. It is just her. She just has likes and dislikes. Granted, my husband worries that if we don't offer her something she WILL eat that she will starve. I beg to differ. I offer lots of things I know she likes to eat- she just doesn't want to eat them right that moment so I am not going to chase her around running through the list of the ten items she will eat until she settles on one. If she is hungry enough she will eat. Maybe that will be what I am serving, maybe not. But I am not going to prepare special meals for her separately from ours. And that's alright too.

The last one- we go out to eat so we change their clothes and comb their hair. Where do I start with this one? Meal time in my home is not a peaceful time. Ever. It's always a battle. It's too close to nap time or bed time. They are hungry before I can get the food on the table. They are distracted. So going out to eat for us at this stage in their lives, while possible, is not usually pleasant for us. For example, we went to IHOP for breakfast for Mother's Day. I did get the girls dressed and got Hayley's hair combed. I even got my own hair combed (imagine that!). But it took me an hour and a half just to get us out the door. And then breakfast got cut short because it was nap time, Sam bonked her head on the table while sitting in the high chair and Hayley wanted nothing to do with her own breakfast. Oh the joys.

Honestly, the most Not-So-Divine-Secret about Motherhood is that nothing is ever as it appears. It will be different for every single mother out there- and that's ok too. There is no real rule book. Your rules are your own. Once you figure out that you don't have to live up to anyone else- and that you can even modify your OWN rules as you go- then you will realize just how much work fun it all really is.

Dear Samantha,

May 16th, 2009

Dear Samantha Jayne,

Tomorrow you will be eight months old. Eight months. You have grown into the most beautiful, smiley, happy, mellow baby and I am just so glad to see that.

Honestly, the first six months were pretty hard. We just couldn't seem to keep you happy- I think you had reflux pretty bad and have now fortunately outgrown it. You eat like crazy and must have a pretty good metabolism. Once you started eating baby food three times a day you finally started sleeping through the night- although now you are getting two teeth at once so your sleep is interrupted once again.

My dear child, everything you have done is to your own beat. You decided to come at 34 weeks 1 day even though Mommy tried to keep you safe- and you were a fighter. You have defied the odds that Mommy was given- and those were that you would be developmentally behind for much of your first year. So far we haven't seen any of that! You were rolling over around five months, sitting on your own around six months, and here we are at eight months with it looking like you are going to crawl any day. You are "scootching" already. You are getting two teeth at the same time- but they are top teeth instead of bottom teeth first.

You smile so much now that everyone comments what a happy baby you are. You are trying to learn to wave. And chase your sister. You don't like sitting around for very long- you are always trying to get up and go. You want to be a "big girl" and yet- my dear sweet baby Sam, you do still let Mommy hug you, kiss you, and carry you around. I am cherishing every single moment of that because I know all too soon you will be that big girl and those moments will be few and far between.

You weigh about sixteen and a half pounds- not bad for a baby that was born at five pounds three ounces. You are longer and leaner than your sister was at your age- you have been wearing size nine month clothes since you were six months and now you are already bumping up into twelve month clothes in some things!

Sam, Mommy loves you more than you will ever realize. Thank you so much for blessing our lives.

Love, Your Mommy

 

Rules for the Men's Room

My husband and I work together. I know, call us crazy. We haven't killed each other yet and we have worked together for most of the last ten years. I love it. Maybe he does too, maybe he doesn't.

At any rate, the restrooms in our office at work are not labeled men's or women's. You just know because if you choose the door on the right has a urinal out in the open and only one stall. The door on the left has two stalls. Oh, and by the way, for whatever reason in a commercial office the doors don't have spring hinges on them- you have to physically close the bathroom door before you go in the stall. In the past we had a small staff and the rules were unspoken. The men usually closed the door to their bathroom because, well, the urinal was out in the open. The women usually left the door ajar when they went in unless they were doing the stinky stuff and then the closed door meant that you should enter at your own risk.

Our staff size has basically tripled in the last few months and we have also added another male to the office. That brings the total to three and boy do I ever feel sorry for them sometimes. Twenty one people in the office and only three men.

Apparently a few days ago one of the ladies was using the mens room and one of the men came in (how dare he!). It startled both of them although she was located in the stall with the door to the stall closed. She had assumed because she closed the door to the mens room that no one would enter. Ha! So my husband wrote up and posted the rules for the mens room at the office and with his permission I am reprinting them.

Rules for the Men's Room Use:

1. You may close the door but there is no guarantee of privacy- we do not knock, nor will we ever.

2. If you do take your chances in using The Men's Room polite conversation may occur while we both do our business.

3. Please leave the light and FAN on when necessary- you know who you are!

4. Feel free to utilize air freshener can, no more than 2 quick blasts- we do not want people thinking we have a flower shop back here.

5. If reading material is over 48 hours old please consider leaving updated material.

6. Please limit stall use to 3 text messages or 3 email messages.

7. If anyone has an extra plunger at their house we could use one here from time to time.

8. Coupons on the calendar are free for anyone to use.

9. Don't always use the good toilet paper- use some scratchy stuff too. (No, really, are we being punished for something when they order this stuff?)

10. Now wash your hands extra well and get back to work!

I haven't fallen off the face of the Earth

In case you were wondering, I really have not fallen off the planet. I am still around- just strangely silent. We have had company for the last week so of course that has taken up some of my time.

I just have hit a very uninspired period lately. There is only one thing that I have felt very motivated about- and that is a knitting project that I have thrown myself into. It still cracks me up that I am totally into knitting- I mean, I always thought knitting was for little old ladies. One day I will learn not to stereotype.

So back to my knitting project. I think I have mentioned - but just in case I haven't- when Sam was in the NICU someone had donated a handmade quilt to the NICU and it was draped on Sam's isolette and her basinette while she stayed there. It was maybe the one thing that seemed even remotely "baby" about that sterile environment and even for me it was a small source of comfort. Some NICU's allow you to bring your own baby items in - but for sterile purposes mine did not. So they accept donations instead- if you want to donate a blanket to them they will wash it and let you use it but then they keep it.

At the time I did not really have any blankets I wanted to part with but I swore that one day I would donate one back. I just wanted it to be really, really special- not just a blanket that I picked up at the store. So it turns out that I went back to work in January and one of the girls that was hired while I was out knits. She brings her projects to work and knits every day in the lunch room. I was fascinated. I think she thought I was nuts- but I begged her to teach me how to knit. I am such a beginner that I still only know how to knit, knit, knit. I haven't yet tried any projects that have knit and purl to them- but that's ok.

I found a baby blanket pattern online that involves only the knit stitch- so I ran right out and got all the supplies. I started the project two weekends ago and I am about a fifth of the way through it. I have made a few mistakes here or there- but honestly as I am watching the blanket grow I just know that donating it to the NICU is exactly what I am meant to do.

I am still around. I haven't spent much time on the computer lately because my hands are deeply involved in knitting this blanket. I will try to blog more often because I really do have lots of other things going on so check back again soon!

Queen of the Unfinished Projects

That's right, I am without a doubt the Queen of Unfinished Projects. As a matter of fact, this post is a testament to my royalty. I started this post three days ago. I finally decided this morning I was going to finish it.

What kinds of unfinished projects could I be talking about? Hmm. Let's see, we moved into our house almost four years ago (I can't believe it's been that long) and I still haven't finished decorating it. It isn't even as if I finished one room and just haven't finished others, no, every room is in some state of incomplete. While I was out on maternity leave I swore I was going to finish it. I bought two candle sconces for the dining room wall and called it quits. Let me not even go into the fact that the landscaping in the backyard is still not complete. Although I should mention- my MO is to finish the landscaping in the backyard and then put the house up for sale and move so I am sure my husband has left that walkway incomplete for a reason.

I have boxes and boxes of sewing that has yet to be completed. Some boxes contain projects where the patterns have been cut out and partially sewed but then set aside. Others contain patterns and fabric matched together but not yet cut. And even still others contain fabric, or patterns, thoughts left unfinished. I do have one whole box of fleece where I was planning on making blankets for Mrs. M and her family to send for Christmas- just never got around to edging them.

My newest obsession has been knitting. It just takes me away in ways that other things don't. Sometimes I have to concentrate on it. Sometimes I can just knit, knit, knit and it is just idle time while watching a tv show. I am a beginner- and by beginner I mean I barely know how to cast on and cast off by myself but I have already made four scarves and I am on to a baby blanket that I intend to donate to the NICU in Sam's name.

So when you sometimes wonder why I don't post for a week at a time- don't give up hope. Keep checking back- I will be back online. My blog is still my biggest unfinished project and I will keep coming back to it. Hope you do too!

For the Record

I just want to be sure I set this straight. For the record, I did tell my husband what happened.

I would never, ever want to intentionally disrespect my husband. If he feels like we are done having children and I feel we have room for one more then it means we have some talking to do. If we can't come to some sort of compromise then it means we would have to agree to disagree and let it be. But I would never, EVER not use birth control on purpose to trick him into having another one.

It's just that it has really been weighing on my mind. How could I possibly have forgotten that I was not on birth control. No, really. REALLY. How could I have forgotten that it had been eleven days?

I write this with mixed emotions. There are so many people out there- friends of mine even- that want desperately to have children. And I have two. I am thankful every single day and based upon the almost two years that it took us to get pregnant with Hayley I do realize that I am blessed to even have two. I just think I want one more. And not to be greedy by wanting one more- but feeling a little protective of the two that I have- wanting them to have more. This isn't all about me- this is all about my children and the lives they will lead.

So the last three days I have spent really reflecting. Having another baby would mean alot of things. It would mean giving up coffee, which some days is the only thing that gets me moving. It would mean not lounging by the pool with any adult beverages. It would mean more sleepless nights. More diapers. Possibly renovating my home to accommodate another bedroom. Giving things up- like trips to the Coach store. A few more wrinkles. Some more gray hair to cover up. It would mean there would be no man on man defense. It might mean there is always one odd man out.

It would also mean more snuggles. Kisses. Little voices saying "Mommy, I am so glad you are here!". And "Mommy, I love you soooo much!". It would mean that if one child gets in trouble and the other is not permitted to hug them that the two siblings of the one in trouble could get on either side of the trouble maker and squish them in between so they would get a hug without anyone knowing they are hugging the offending party. (Incidentally- that is something my mom said we used to do when my baby sister was in trouble).

So, is the book closed on this? Maybe. Maybe not. I did convince my husband to go for number two- and in just the nick of time I guess because I convinced him to try at the end of the summer and we found out two weeks later that apparently there were other plans for us. We'll see. I don't believe there is any likelihood that I would be pregnant so please don't think that I will be making any grand announcements in two weeks. But I will say that the fear of what could have happened does ring loud in my ears and it has gotten me thinking.

And for my parents that read my blog religiously but asked so innocently the other day if we are done- the answer is, "We'll just have to see."

 

Hey, that bee swiped my grape!!

There are so many things about having children that just make life worth while. Little moments- like when they first smile at you. Big moments- like their first steps.

Funny-but-not-so-funny moments- like when they tell you they are going to wipe a booger on the door of your new car.

Funny moments like when a bee lands on their snack and they yell "Hey, that bee just swiped my grape!". And if you have watched enough episodes of Dora you will know that Swiper is always swiping something. Your two year old just "got" it.

My children make me smile every single day. Some days it is through gritted teeth, but still I am smiling. Not a day goes by that I don't tell a story in the lunch room about my children, and I am so happy to be able to do so. But still I am left chuckling at the bee swiping the grape. Classic.

 

Am I done?

There was a time in my life where I thought I wanted to have like eight kids. Then I hit the point where I didn't want to have any kids. Finally, I found the point where I wanted to have kids, and now I have two of them.

But I guess the question is, am I done? I mean, my husband says we are done. And seriously, Sam has been a really tough baby, so there are days that I say I am done too. Yet if I am done, why can't I bring myself to give everything away and really close the door on this?

I did give away my bassinette. But I am still hoarding all of the girls baby clothes, and their bottles and pacifiers (well, to be fair Sam is still using the bottles- but not the pacifiers, of which we have about a hundred dollars worth). I can't really bear to part with any of it.

I read an article in one of the magazines the other day about a woman in the same situation and it was uncanny how she really put to words how I also feel about being "done". In the grand scheme of things, we don't have any more available bedrooms without converting our home office back to a bedroom. Childcare is super expensive so adding another child to our mix might mean that I will have to sacrifice the private preschool I am enrolling Hayley in. We might have to forfeit some of our little luxuries- like my monthly massage.

So why am I still so torn? Is it because my husband has already made the decision and it wasn't my idea? If I had said it first would I be more inclined to accept it? What about this whole thing just leaves me without closure?

Is it just that I feel I have more room in my heart for another one? Is it because I grew up with three sisters, and I feel bad that my girls will only have each other? Is it because (as much as I sometimes complain) I just love the action and chaos that come from large families? Is it because I am afraid to leave a shrinking legacy? What if only one of my girls decides to have a family and she decides she only wants one? How will I snuggle and get my fill of grandbabies? I mean, should I really be worried about grandbabies when I have a two and a half year old and a seven month old? I can't even make it through my own days sometimes- why would I be worried about twenty years in the future? Is it because I feel guilty that I haven't given my husband a son?

Last night at 2:30 am I realized that I must have subconsciously realized that I don't want to be done. I apparently forgot to refill my birth control. It was because I went to see my doctor and he was going to get an IUD pre-authorized for me. I was waiting to hear from him and I guess I thought it was going to happen faster. So last night I realized, UH-OH. It has been eleven days. I haven't heard from him. I wasn't paying attention. It seemed like I just saw him this week. And I started freaking out. What if? ? ? ? And then I started thinking, would that be such a bad thing? But could it also destroy my marriage? If my husband is adamant that we are done, and I just totally (and accidentally) disregarded his wishes what would that do to US? So I guess I really need to tell him (sooner rather than later) what has happened. Because as much as I feel like he made the decision to be done and I wasn't a part of it I also don't want to have another one without him even knowing the potential that it could be coming. Not that I think it is.

Is this just a standard thing? Do you think most people feel this way when they are contemplating the end? Wondering if they are really done? Or is it just that I don't really feel like I am done and the door is still open for me? Because if I was going to have another then I absolutely would have to do it within the next year. I always said I would not want to have children after I turn 35 and the clock is ticking. One year left...

 

Dear Hayley and Samantha,

April 11th, 2009

Dear Girls,

The thought occurred to me the other day that not all women are raised the way I was, and the way I intend for you to be raised. You see, even in this day and age there are still women who are raised as if their opinion has no value and they provide nothing of worth to this world. But you see, that is where even Mommy did not realize how blessed she was.

Maybe you will still get to spend many more years with Nana, but you might not get to spend many more years with Mommy's Grandma and it is to her that we owe much of our strength and independence.

We were lucky enought to spend time with Grandma last weekend. She turned seventy nine years old. These days seventy nine years old is fairly common. What isn't fairly common is that Grandma is blind and has been since she was in the ninth grade. Grandma didn't let that stop her- no, she finished high school even after having to take a year off. She even went on to college and not only got her degree but also got a masters degree. She didn't stop there though, she taught college classes. She raised three children. She provided a good home for her family but not at the expense of being her own individual.

You can never tell Grandma she can't do something. She will set out to prove you wrong and she will amaze you. She can do anything that someone with eyesight can do, and more. She is intelligent. She is kind. She is strong. She lives with passion. And she passed all of those things on to Nana.

Guess what? Nana has done some pretty amazing things in her life too. She raised four children when there are days that Mommy can barely hang on with two. She worked full time, even worked over time and still made sure we had cupcakes for class parties. Homemade nonetheless. Many people know Nana and she is so very loved. She is a strong person, stronger than Mommy could ever imagine being. She has been through many ups and many downs and even when she has been down she still has managed to find a way to get through it. Nana is such a special person to Mommy, and I know that she will be just as special to each of you that you will remember her in many other ways that Mommy can't even tell you about.

I just realized last weeked as there were four generations of women in one place that we are so very lucky. All of us. Grandma could have made different choices given her circumstances but she didn't. She chose not to be a victim. She chose to make her own path in life, and she has done well on that path. Nana has been just as strong. She taught Mommy so many things, most of all how to be a strong independent woman. How not to sit back and let life pass me by. How to fight for what I believe in, to pursue what I feel strongly about, and how to be my own person regardless of what everyone else thinks.

I hope that I can raise you both with the same strength and values. I hope that you learn that you can make any choices you want. I hope that you learn to live with passion, compassion, humility, grace, and love. Yes, there was and still is a time and place where women are not treated as well as they should be. But in this house, our house, you are as equal as any other person out there. You can do anything you set your minds to, and just know that Mommy will always support you.

I love you both so very much and although I am not in a hurry to see you grow up and away from me I also know that you will both make me very proud one day.

Love, Mommy

I made it!

I just wanted to let everyone know that I made it five whole days as a single parent. Kudos to those that do this permanently- I am sure that you don't do it by choice but even if you do choose it- the road is still hard and you deserve recognition.

The first two nights were the hardest. It isn't so much that I can't handle my children- it's more that I just need a few extra hands for things like bath time and bed time that fall at the exact same time. I got a routine down though and after the first two nights I could bathe both children and put them to bed like a pro.

Honestly though, it was more than just being a single parent. If you know my husband and I you know that we are (sickeningly) close. Five nights apart was I think the longest we have ever been apart and I was just an emotional mess waiting for him to get home.

About six or seven years ago we had one weekend apart while I went to my grandparent's fiftieth wedding anniversary. I was such a wreck that I think I only packed shirts, no pants or shorts, forgot my glasses and had to wear my contacts 24/7, didn't bring my camera, and forgot half my toiletries. Unfortunately my grandparents live in a one-horse town that doesn't even have a Walmart so I was stuck going to some random store to try and find some clothes. Fortunately for me I have three sisters who are all very similar in size to me and one of my sisters brought half her closet. I got to shop out of her suitcase for all the things I forgot. Except the glasses. I was really out of luck there and I am pretty much blind. My contacts are not extended wear, so combine that with crying my eyes out for missing my husband and, well, it was not pretty.

I know that I originally posted about what an impatient person I am but I actually don't recall any times during the five days I had the girls where I was short with them. Well, I think once in the middle of the night when the girls were taking turns torturing me, but other than that I wonder if my well of patience got a little deeper.

We had a good time. We played and got silly. We kept the house tidy (although I don't know how). We went to the park. We sang ABC's until Hayley has them almost mastered now. All in all, I feel really good about the time I got to spend with my girls. I look forward to the next time and I do hope there is a next time. Someday I will be wishing they want to spend alone time with me so I am going to cherish it whenever I get it.

 

Dear Hayley,

March 29th, 2009    

Dear Hayley,

My dear sweet little girl, somehow when I blinked you turned into this beautiful little girl. You are so smart, so thoughtful, so loving, and so much fun. I just love every single day with you.

You are always so worried about your baby sister, it fills my heart to see that. I was so very worried after you had been the center of our world for so long that you would have a hard time sharing it. And maybe someday you still will, but for now you just love helping out with your baby sister and believe me, Mommy is grateful for the help.

You always ask "Where's my sister Sam?" when you get up in the morning. If she is still sleeping you whisper and tiptoe so that we won't wake her up. Sometimes when she is already awake you run in and climb up to peek in her crib. She always smiles when she sees you- I just know that she already wants to be up and running around to catch up with you.

Right now you really love watching Dora and Diego cartoons. You have learned to count to ten in Spanish just from watching tv. I wish I knew more Spanish to teach you!

You just love riding your bike, and playing on the swings and slide, planting things, and coloring. Oh and reading- you just love to read. I am so happy to see that as reading is Mommy's favorite thing to do. Right now your favorite book is "Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?". Dada tries to trick you and tell you there is a monkey in there but you know there isn't- we can't trick you! And when we get to the page with the goldfish we ask you what the goldfish says and you tell us "Nothing- he just swims around!". You make us smile.

You help Mommy so much around the house- with the laundry, and the dishes, and of course with Baby Sam. I really appreciate your little hands.

You used to be my little punkin pie- but you are just growing so fast. I love you so much Hayley Bug!

Mommy

I think there's a booger on my laptop

If you are wondering, I didn't put it there. I just sat down and started typing when I noticed this dried crusty thing near the keyboard. I can only assume it is a booger. With a two and a half year old those pop up in the funnest of places.

So seriously, I think I started to post about being a single mom before I got sidetracked with the alleged booger. My husband went home to visit his family for five whole nights leaving me to single-mom it. I was not overly excited about the prospect if I do say so myself.

See, I'm just not that patient. I mean, I want to be. I try to be. I even take deep breaths and count before responding. But I am just not Michelle Duggar. Have you ever watched that show? She has like the sweetest little voice, I mean, why wouldn't you want to listen to her? Me? Not so much. My sweet voice is non-existent so that means you get my normal voice. And if you don't listen to my first pass then it elevates to embarassingly loud voice. After that it's run and hide voice. None of which seem to keep the attention of my toddler, so then it turns to smack your bottom voice.

I'm not a closet spanker, I will own up to the fact that my kid gets a lifter every now and then. Generally speaking though I do try to resolve my disciplinary problems without resorting to capital punishment but sometimes it must be done.

So for tonight and the next four nights after this I will be single mom'n it. Already let me give props to the moms that do this permanently. I adore you all. You rock. I don't know how you do it. If I could make up a witty "real women" song like the old Bud Light commercials (real men of genius) I would do it. But you don't really want me singing any sort of song, and that includes parodies.

Right now my girls are both in bed (where I should be also). I skipped dinner in favor of a glass of wine and a good night in front of my computer catching up on blogging and reading blogs. Although it is silent around here I was instantly reminded of how many ways my life has changed in the last few years the instant I sat down and noticed the booger on my laptop.

More fun to follow, of that I am certain. Stay tuned.

I thought I was going to die from the pain

The title to this post is not exaggerated. I seriously wondered if I was going to live through the pain- so let me back up and tell you how it all started.

You may recall me saying that I have been going to a local massage therapist (aka my "boyfriend"). He has really been good for me- I see him about every three weeks for an hour and a half. At any rate he has been able to work out the tension that I carry around and honestly I just feel better overall. I went for a massage the weekend before we went to Palm Desert and felt great.

When we were in Palm Desert we stayed at a beautiful resort/spa. I was scheduled for another massage while we were there and I figured for once I would be able to go for a relaxing massage instead of a strictly tension relieving one. (Yes, there really is a difference for people like me that knot up like a curly telephone cord).

I seriously don't know what happened but I think that guy really messed me up. He was by far the least professional therapist I have ever seen, but that's a different story. I think he was trying some new technique on my neck and every time he did it I flinched because it hurt. My main problem is that I just don't know how to say "hey, cut that out, it hurts". So I kept thinking that he couldn't focus on that area for very long and that it would soon be over. Except he kept coming back to my neck. Which was also the most random thing I have ever seen. He started with my feet. (Strange). Then moved to my neck. Then to my lower back. Then back to my neck. Then my legs. Then my neck. I couldn't really focus because there was no rhythm to what he was doing. And then there was my rebellious neck that was tensing up more and more each time his hand hovered over it.

So anyway, I left the massage a bit perplexed at what really happened. I left feeling like I had a small kink in my neck- like I had slept too hard in one position. You know the feeling? That feeling persisted all week. I chalked it up to coming home and sleeping in my own bed with Sam next to me.

Finally on Sunday I was getting the girls out the door to go to my sisters house and my head just exploded. I cannot even begin to describe the pain. I couldn't move my head to the right at all- although I could move it perfectly to the left. I couldn't look down or up. Stupid me, I still drove the thirty miles out to my sisters house. The problem then was that I could barely make it home a few hours later. I cried half the way home. By this time my head was so on fire that I thought I was going to die.

I got home with the kids and immediately started looking through the medicine cabinet. My husband had some muscle relaxers (so we thought) so I took one. An hour later it had done absolutely nothing so I started searching for something to relieve the pain. I located some left over hydrocodone (Lortab) from my c-section. Seriously, I didn't even take the pain pills after abdominal surgery but I wanted to down the whole bottle for my head-if it gives you any indication how bad it was. I took some and went to lay down.

Except I couldn't lay down. Because I couldn't move my head. Even keeping it straight was painful. An hour later the pain killer had no effect so I took three Ibuprofen. And if you are now shaking your head and calling me a complete idiot I will agree. What I did was extremely stupid and dangerous. I could have wound up in the news as some lady that OD'd. All of my friends would have gone on tv saying that they would never have imagined me doing something like this. So please, if you are reading this, DO NOT SELF MEDICATE. I repeat DO NOT.

And also- DO NOT BORROW OTHER PEOPLE'S MEDICATION. Which was the second thing I had done. See, it turns out those "muscle relaxers" my husband had were not muscle relaxers at all. They were pain killers. So I basically OD'd on pain killers. Lucky for me I did not die. But I wanted to. Because on top of the pain I was then sick to my stomach. Try throwing up when you can't move your head. It isn't pretty.

I was sick for a fully 24 hours. Literally on Monday morning I could not drive myself to work- my husband drove me. And I should not have been there. The problem was that one of my employees was on vacation for the week and I just could not leave her desk unattended. Not that I was much help that day but I did what I had to.

By noon on Monday, and I'm not lying, I was debating going to the ER. Except I didn't want to pay a big fat co-pay. So I went to Quick Care. I can't hack Quick Care. There were people in every single seat- half of them wearing masks or coughing into towels. I didn't want to come out sicker than I went in so I went to another Urgent Care. Except they didn't take my insurance. I was able to get a late afternoon appointment with my primary care physician so I just had to make it through the next few hours.

When I saw her she expressed an immediate concern that it could have been a slow leaking aneurism based upon the headache I had been describing so she ordered a CT Scan with Angio, stat. Except it had to be pre-authorized, so stat was really 48 hours. She did prescribe some (real) muscle relaxers and told me if they worked then we would know it wasn't a bleed in my brain. That was oddly comforting. Then she also told me if the headache spiked again that I was to go to the ER immediately. (If I lived). I am somewhat making light of this but it was all kind of scary.

Tuesday I woke up and thought I was better so I showered and was blow drying my hair when the pain exploded again. Except this time I knew it had to be a muscle because I could feel it snap when I moved my head a certain way. I loaded up on the relaxers and Ibuprofen and drove to work. Thank heaven for "blind spot assist" in the Mazda- since I again could not turn my head even in the slightest.

The long and the short is that I barely made it through Tuesday. I cried numerous times. It hurt worse than anything I have ever experienced in my life- and that included recovering from a boob job and two c-sections. But by Wednesday when I woke up it was manageable and by Friday I still had pain but I was able to manage through it without any relaxers or ibuprofen.

I went back and saw my boyfriend yesterday. He helped a little but he said he didn't want to massage it too much because the muscle is already aggravated. So I am still living with the kink and I am hoping that it will heal soon.

And the lesson I have learned is two-fold. First- if someone is doing something you don't like, just speak up. It is better to deal with the conflict than live with the consequences. And second, do not ever self medicate. Because the other part I did not tell you is that when I did get my prescription for muscle relaxers I read the insert (as I do with all of my own medications) and it stated in caps DO NOT TAKE WITH HYDROCODONE. Someone was watching out for me when I was mixing those meds earlier in the week. If that had been a relaxer and I had then taken the hydrocodone I could have been in big trouble. And then everyone would have said "We don't understand, she was a smart girl, why would she have done this?". And I wouldn't have been able to answer "Because I thought I was going to die from the pain."

Music to my ears

Right now it is 7 am and I am listening to Sam coo to herself through the monitor. In her own bed. This is only the second time this has ever happened, but as Megan commented, it will happen someday so I will take my little victories for now.

Last night (as it is every night) she had a major tantrum when I tried to put her in her bed. I rocked with her until she cried it out and then she did go to sleep on my shoulder and stayed asleep when I put her in her bed. She was up around 2:45 this morning so I fed her and put her back down.

At least she did stay in her bed last night. The night before when I tried to put her back in her bed in the middle of the night she was a screaming mess.

At any rate, baby steps, baby steps. I guess I do have to remember that technically she is four and a half months old even though she has been with us for six. So I am hoping sometime within the next six to eight weeks we will all be sleeping through the night.

Maybe I have said this out loud before and maybe not but I honestly have to say that if Sam was my first baby there could be a good chance she would be my last. Although I do suppose if she was my first baby this would have been a few years ago when I did have a bit more energy. Not that I'm like a hundred years old or anything but honestly I really am amazed at the difference even a few years has made. That whole "young at heart" thing means just that. You can be young at heart all you want- your body may tell you something different.

Anybody Home?

If you have been by my site lately you are probably wondering where I went on my blog-cation. The newspapers are piling up outside and the place has just had a feel of vacancy.

I've been here, just haven't had the time or energy to blog. Actually, we got home from Palm Springs and I felt like a million bucks. My sister in law, however, did not. Her youngest child is eleven I think so she was a little out of practice with the little ones but she did awesome.

Then we lost the laptop power cord and I was just too darn lazy to go in and blog in our home office. It meant I would have to actually sit at the desk instead of wherever I wanted, and that didn't work for me. We finally found the cord, and well, here I am.

But in the last two weeks we've kind of been through the ringer. I had been home for four days when I decided I just could not take any more of Sam's fussiness. Let me start by saying she is generally a very happy baby. All smiles- and she is very good around new situations, which makes me happy that we don't have to stick to a strict routine. But for some reason night time is the worst. THE WORST.

I don't mean like she has a fussy hour or two in the evening like all babies do. I mean she is so gassy and restless that literally she only sleeps for a few short hours at a time, if that. I suppose that since we had already been living it day in and day out for the last five and a half months we hadn't really been bothered by it. Until we got a break for four nights and got to sleep all night. Then it was like we got hit by a Mac truck when we got home. By Wednesday night I sat up in the chair with her all night and cried my eyes out.

Thursday morning I took her to the pediatrician who in his infinite kindness recognized that I was a Mom about to snap. He suggested that we increase her dose of antacid and that we try her on Nutramigen. The first night she did sleep in her own bed from 7:45-4:45 but that was the end of that. Every night for the next week she was still up at least once a night to eat- sometime between midnight and 3:30am.

I went back a few days ago for a follow up to that appointment as well as for her six month checkup. She weighs fourteen pounds two ounces and is twenty four and a half inches long. I'm pretty proud. Anyway, we decided that the benefit of having her on Nutramigen was negligible and that keeping her on Similac Sensitive was just the same.

I wonder if the child just has a super charged metabolism and literally is just starving in the middle of the night. We have tried Megan's suggestion about doing a feed around 10pm even if she is sleeping. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. The problem for us is one of us keeping awake long enough to do it! Heaven, we ARE getting old.

We did start her on veggies now- she has been eating rice cereal from a spoon for about a month now. I will say this, the child loves to eat. She barely even batted an eye at the first scoop of green beans last night and tonight she ate half a container. I'm hoping she isn't a picky eater like her sister. (Who, incidentally since St Patrick's Day has wanted to eat green macaroni and cheese every single night for dinner).

I will try to get online more often- tomorrow I will have to tell you about the week I have had with my neck and my head issues. But other than that if you come knockin' around my bloggy world and it doesn't appear that anyone is home just know that we are. We just turned off the porch light and are hiding out in the back family room.

 

Child free for the weekend

You may remember, my sister in law volunteered, VOLUNTEERED I tell you, to watch my children so we could attend my husband's annual sales trip in Palm Springs.

We are here, child free. Oh my.

We left town on Wednesday and honestly, I was so afraid my girls would tantrum and my sister in law would wind up driving them here and washing her hands of them. Oh, I underestimated the power of my sister in law- the Pied Piper of small children.

I do believe the first 24 hours were rough for her but she quickly figured the kids out. As a matter of fact, we haven't even talked to Hayley on the phone since we left. We have called a few times but since she is always content we haven't wanted to rock the boat so we have figured that if she melts down they know how to reach us on our cell phone. Apparently she has been so busy playing with her cousins that she really hasn't noticed we have been gone!

So let's see, what have we done since we have been here? Let me start by saying, the weather is amazing. Beautiful. Like mid seventies during the day- but it feels hotter than that. We are staying in a beautiful resort hotel, which is always a bonus. And since this is the first sales trip we have ever gone on without any children I haven't had to stress out about keeping quiet. Our first trip was to Maui when Hayley was five months old. We stayed at the Grand Wailea, which is child friendly but it was tough to travel with a baby and all her paraphernilia. Our second trip was to Puerto Rico where we stayed at the Golden Door (I think) Resort and Spa. It was not as child friendly, and Hayley was seventeen months old. Just old enough to drive us crazy. And the room was this contempo style all done in white. So here we are in Palm Desert. This place would be ok for children although I really haven't seen many of them around.

Our first night here we were in an upgraded room- with it's own private courtyard and hot tub. It was awesome- although we got here so late we didn't use the hot tub and then we diddled around in the morning and didn't have time to use it before we had to go check out and check into our regular room provided by the company.

Thursday night was the welcome event for the company and I just don't know what I was thinking. I can't even count the number of Cosmo's- I just know that it was about two too many. Friday I woke up and thought I was ok- until I had been up and moving for about two hours and everything just came crashing down. Note to self- I can't party with the Big Dogs.

Friday I went back to bed for a few hours and woke up around 1pm. I headed to the outlet mall (my favorite) where I spent a luxurious three hours shopping- guilt free! Well, almost guilt free. I mean, I wasn't guilty about being there for three hours but you can do a lot of damage in three hours. I had to stop by and drop off my packages at the car three times. So one thing I did miss was having the stroller with me to use as a shopping cart.

Friday night we went to an adult dinner. With adult friends- imagine that! The kind of dinner that required reservations. We haven't done that since what we call "The Last Supper"- it was our last nice dinner before Hayley was born. So yeah, it's been awhile. I dressed up and felt great. I did not, however, drink. My stomach is still curling at the thought of any alcohol at all.

This morning I got up and have just been puttering. My husband is out golfing this morning- like he did yesterday. I have a massage scheduled for noon, and in the mean time I am doing nothing. At all. I bought a magazine and I'm looking forward to reading it from front to back without pages being torn out or having to throw the magazine out because it's been four months and I can't get through it.

I bought a lottery ticket. I hope we win.

So in a nutshell- if you ask what we have been doing- we have been living like rockstars. Child free ones. Don't get me wrong, I totally miss my children. Like crazy. As a matter of fact I logged on and saw my Wordless Wednesday photo and started tearing up- I can't wait to get home and snuggle my girls. But I also feel fabulous. Relaxed. Somewhat rested.

I really needed this trip and I just don't know how I will ever repay my sister in law's kindness. I mean seriously, money just isn't enough.

Wordless Wednesday

It's been an awful long time since I've done Wordless Wednesday but here you go!

Sam's First Annual Walk With the Heart of a Child

To everyone that donated to this worthy cause, I thank you. I was so emotional this morning as we kicked off the Walk With the Heart of a Child. Sam is a heart patient. True, she is lucky, her heart is healthy. But she lives with a heart condition nonetheless, and that scares me to death.

The red t-shirts signified heart patients and as I looked around us into the faces of other parents of heart patients and into the faces of the children themselves I was moved to tears. I love this cause. I will support this cause forever. These children deserve the opportunity to be normal. Their parents deserve the opportunity to hold their children forever. For some the endings won't be as happy, and it is for that reason I will continue to support this cause.

Mommy, Hayley, and Samantha at the finish line.

 

Baby Sam with her Nana. Unfortunately the only red t-shirts they had were in childrens sizes. Maybe Sam can fit into this one in about five more years.

 

Baby girl, all tired out after the excitement. Can you believe the blonde hair on this child? I am still amazed at how very different my girls features are. Both beautiful, but very different. Oh yeah- and check out the cheeks on this kid! I just kiss and kiss them...

This Morning

Sam was up for her early am feeding this morning at 4:45. By the time I got her back to bed it was 5:20 so I decided to stay up. I actually felt alert and wide awake- last night we put her to bed in her crib and she slept there until 3am so I felt like a million dollars.

Where, oh where do I start?

Let me start with Sam sleeping in her crib. It wasn't so simple. We put her in her crib to go to sleep and she cried hard for just about twenty five minutes. Hard. Like I thought she-was-choking hard. But I didn't give in. I went in and rubbed her back once but that just made her cry harder so I gave up. She finally fell asleep and I was elated. Until she woke back up and started crying again fifteen minutes later. And again I let her cry. She cried for about another fifteen minutes and I could take no more- I went in and picked her up. She did the fake cry in my arms for two minutes so I knew she was nearing the end. I laid her back down and she cried hard again for about ten minutes but then there was silence.

When you hear silence like that you worry that something went wrong. I went in to check on her and she really had fallen asleep- on her tummy. By the way, she started rolling over two days ago. You can't leave her on her back for more than ten seconds and she has already rolled over. Which is good- because the pediatrician said she could sleep on her tummy when she could roll herself there, and I happen to think Sam is a tummy sleeper.

At any rate, she did sleep in her crib until 3am and when she woke I just didn't have the energy to fight with her to go back to sleep in her own bed so I brought her into mine. I figure one battle at a time- the first battle was getting her to give up the 1am feed. Check. The second battle is getting her to go to bed in her own crib. Getting there. The last battle will be getting her to sleep there all night. Not even focusing on that yet.

So I decided this morning that I felt great and if I did go back to sleep I would probably feel like a truck hit me when I had to get up an hour later. I decided I was going to sit in the peace and quiet downstairs with a cup of coffee and catch up on blogs. I haven't been the best lately.

I headed to the coffee pot to brew up some Dunkin' Donuts coffee. (free plug. I love this coffee, I'm the chick on the roof yelling that I'm on my third pot for the day) Then my sock stuck to the floor. What the?

I turned on the lights and found that there was a liquid substance filling all of the grout lines in our tile. Odd. It wasn't covering the tiles too so I was perplexed. I peered up at the ceiling expecting to see a massive drip but found none. This particular location in my kitchen is nowhere near a water supply so I was really puzzled. It also smelled kind of funny, like rotten something unidentifiable. Until I opened the pantry.

Apparently the gallon of orange juice that I bought from Costco went bad and I don't know, ate through the plastic. There was a hole right in the unopened gallon. First I must say, I don't normally buy the OJ made from concentrate- I normally buy the kind from the refrigerated section. I bought this kind because we had a house full of people after Christmas and refrigerator space was at a premium. I figured we would go through the gallon with one breakfast. It turns out I underestimated the flavor of OJ made from concentrate. I don't like it. No one else does either.

I should have just thrown it out right then but I didn't. And boy am I ever sorry.

The Great OJ Leak of 2009 covered over thirty square feet of grout. It had congealed and was thick and sticky. I had no idea how many passes the mop was going to have to make in order to even make the floor like a kitchen floor again and not like the floor of the movie theater. It was a mess. A disaster. I was irritated. Bummed because my "me time" evaporated. And ticked off at myself for even buying that stupid juice.

I managed to get it all cleaned up before I had to jump in the shower and leave for work, with the exception of one last pass to make sure we didn't stick to the floor here or there. Argh. So that was my morning.

I wish I had taken a picture but I just don't think it would even have really shown you the extent. But I do have to share with you a photo of one other mop job I am going to have to be doing very soon.

 

Last night I heard "Mommy, I color you a picture."

And I'm thinking, aww, how sweet? I'm going to start getting art for my fridge! Umm. I think Hayley had something a little more permanent in mind. In case you can't exactly tell, this is blue crayon. On our tile floor. She even colored in the lines. The grout lines that is. Fabulous.

Really the only redeeming thing to my day was that we got our taxes done today. And we don't owe. Amen.

Updated Pictures

I always forget to update these- but here are some recent photos:

 

 

 

 

 

 

Randomness

Some days I have so many blog ideas in my head I forget all of them before I get to blog. I guess today is one of those days. I feel like blogging. I really want to blog. But I can't really think of any one topic that is worthy of a blog post all by itself.

Instead I will post about some random things.

We finally saw an attorney yesterday and created a will and trust. I cannot tell you how very responsible I feel for doing that. We knew when we started having children that it would be important for us to get our affairs in order but it still took us two and a half years to do it. So in case you are wondering- it was probably the easiest thing ever. The hardest part about it was making the time to call the attorney to set up the appointment.

I am getting really excited about going on my husband's sales trip. Like counting down the hours, minutes, and seconds excited. I discovered they have an outlet mall where we are going and I cannot tell you how excited I am about the thought of being able to prowl the outlet mall without the guilt of leaving my husband home with the girls too long or without having to take one of the girls with me.

Sam is getting more and more fun every single day. The last two nights have been absolute heaven for me- she has eaten at 7pm or so and then hasn't needed to eat again until 3 or 4am. It could be a fluke, after all, she did that for about a week in December too but I am really hoping this could be the light at the end of the midnight feedings. It really is amazing how awesome I feel after only two nights of having at least five hours to sleep. In a row.

Sam is terrible about sucking on a pacifier. Terrible. She will do it as long as you hold it in her mouth but she just doesn't have the suction to keep it in there. We hate that! But over the last two days she has also started sucking her thumb. You wouldn't think that anyone would be happy to hear that their baby sucks their thumb but at least this way she can self soothe and we don't have to hold that pacifier in. Last night she fell asleep with her thumb in her mouth and I was so relieved.

Today the weather is supposed to be beautiful here so hopefully we will get outside and get the stink blown off.

I am hoping to find some time this weekend to go look for another formal dress.

The coffee I made this morning is particularly tasty and I'm in a pretty good mood. Maybe because I had some sleep last night?

My kids are in a good mood today. Maybe because they had some sleep last night too?

My husband is in a good mood today too. I don't think he had much sleep last night but he got a new golf club. He's like a kid on Christmas.

I suppose that is enough randomness for now. Hopefully next time I log on I will be able to organize my thoughts. Hope your day is as awesome as mine has started out!

Shopping with a Toddler

Shopping just isn't the same. In college my best friend and I would get up every single Saturday and head to the mall. We would usually spend a few hours walking the stores, find something to wear that night, and then head home to get ready. Sometimes we would get up on Sunday and return what we purchased the day before if we decided not to wear it. My best friend had a better budget than I did and generally speaking she had half a closet full of clothes with tags still on them to choose from. It wasn't as critical for her to wear that one outfit she just purchased. Me? Not so much.

At any rate, shopping used to be "our thing". We also had two other roommates, my best friends twin sister and her best friend. Confused? I can draw you a flow chart if you need me to. Basically it was twins and their best friends, which equals four. So anyway, our roommates were completely opposite us. They hated shopping with a passion. Shopping was just a necessary evil to avoid going naked. While we were out shopping every Saturday they were home watching football.

I miss those days.

Before I had children I still continued the Saturday shopping ritual even though my best friend moved away twelve years ago. I would get up every single Saturday and go run around town. Sometimes I would buy things and sometimes I wouldn't, but I just enjoy shopping. Don't get me wrong- I shop, alot, but I don't spend alot. I'm a clearance rack kind of gal, even when I have the money to pay full price. Something about finding perfectly good items at a deep discount really thrills me. Consequently then because I get such great deals I also tend to buy things I might not otherwise buy, but that's a different story.

At any rate, I need a formal gown for my husband's sales trip in two weeks so I decided I better get looking. Now. I figured I would take Hayley with me leaving Sam home with Dada. What, oh WHAT was I thinking?

How on earth do you take a two year old to the mall and expect her to cooperate while you are looking for a needle in a haystack? I have a vision of what I would like the dress to look like. Something black or red. Floor length. Spaghetti strap or backless. Something classy. Something sexy. Something that doesn't scream "new mommy" all over it. Something not frumpy. Something out of my usual jeans and tennis shoes style. Something that will drive my husband crazy. Get it?

Hayley did pretty well, to start with. What I want to know is, where is the thirty-something section in the department stores? I could only find womens (too old and not the right sizes) or juniors (too prom-like). I couldn't find anything in the middle. I decided the juniors section would be more what I was looking for so I grabbed six dresses and headed into the dressing room with Hayley.

It was cute for sure. Her eyes lit up with the first gown I put on, "Mommy, you look like a pretty dancer!". (Everyone wearing a dress or tights is a pretty dancer). The fun soon wore off for her and it became near impossible. How do you try on dresses when your two year old is wiping up the floor of the dressing room with her bottom and opening the door to the dressing room when you are standing there in nothing but undies?

I settled for a long black dress, very simple. Spaghetti straps. No embellishment. Basic. Regular price $120.00, clearance price $30.75. It wasn't what I was looking for so I will keep looking, but I also didn't want to set it aside thinking I could find something else and then be stuck without. I do think next time I am going to have to hire a sitter so I can go in solitary peace and look for that beautiful dress.

One thing is for sure, I miss my best friend. And I miss those Saturdays.

Never Judge Your Massage Therapist by His Handshake

I scheduled a massage for today with my local massage therapy facility. (No free plugs coming from me!) I have only been there once before and since I'm kind of a creature of habit I just went ahead and scheduled it with the same therapist I had seen last time.

There was some snafu when I checked in and and the other Jennifer got my massage therapist. That left me with a different male therapist. Let me start off by saying I do judge based on appearances. I wasn't impressed with his.

I will also say, I do judge by handshakes. I like to think that a person's handshake says much about their character. His was limp and weak. Strike two. I immediately decided that I didn't know how he managed to stay in business because a massage therapist is only as good as their hands.

Boy was I ever wrong. In the first sixty seconds I knew that his handshake had nothing to do with his ability as a massage therapist. See, I go for massages not so much to relax, but to have them work the heck out of me. I have knots upon knots. Once I went for an hour massage only to have them spend the entire hour working out the knots underneath my shoulder blades.

Anyway, he did something called Trigger Point (?). It hurt me so good. I went ahead and scheduled another appointment with him in two weeks. For an hour and a half. I'm just saying, if I were you, I wouldn't necessarily judge a massage therapist by their handshake.

Creating a Nightmare?

I remember when Hayley was around 13 weeks old. I had just gone back to work and the full force of working 40 plus hours a week and dealing with an infant was taking it's toll. When I was home on maternity leave I rocked Hayley to sleep every single night. Sometimes she would fall asleep quickly and other times I would rock her for an hour, but I did it.

When I got back to work I realized how very tired I was. I also realized that if I had to rock her to sleep every single night that I would never just be able to lay her down and have her fall asleep. I had read all the advice from experts- lay your baby down and let them learn to self soothe. I remarked one night that I was creating my own nightmare and my husband's response was "Why? Because you are treating her like a baby?". And I guess that really hit home with me.

Yes, she was a baby. What did it really hurt to rock her to sleep and treat her like a baby? So I kept on. Sometimes it was really tough. Sometimes I would rock her for an hour, she would still be awake and I would lay her down. She would cry for fifteen minutes and I would go back in. By then she was so tired that when I would rock her she would fall asleep and I could put her down.

And when Sam came, well, she was a preemie. I hated leaving her in the hospital so it was like I was making it up to her by holding her all the time. And now she doesn't like to be set down at all. She sleeps in our bed. I can't lay her in her own bed because she is such a light sleeper and is so restless. She also doesn't suck on the pacifier very well. Actually, she sucks on it just fine but you have to hold it in her mouth. It is ridiculous.

I feel bad, but I keep debating, do I put her in her bed and let her cry? Or do I rock her? So right this minute she is so exhausted she fell asleep in my arms. I laid her in her crib and she woke. Screaming. I waffle. I go through moments where I can't stand the though of leaving her to cry so I go pick her up and rock her. And the next day I start over with iron resolve that I am going to teach her to self soothe and teach her to sleep in her own bed. And really, really this time I AM creating my own nightmare.

I think my indecisiveness is enabling her. Because I am not consistent I think she doesn't know what to expect. I am not worried about creating a spoiled child. Hayley eventually learned to go to sleep all by herself- somewhere around the ten month mark. More I am worried about having a child that can never sleep anywhere but next to Mom.

What do you think?

Happy Valentines Day!

My husband is just happy he didn't get two pink lines this year. For those that don't know, we found out both times we were pregnant on Valentines Day, which I happen to find endearing. A few weeks ago my husband said out of the blue "This year for Valentines Day I would like a store bought gift."

And, well, I am happy to comply. Don't get me wrong, even as hard as it is having a fussy baby and a toddler I still wonder what it would be like to try for a boy. Knowing our luck it would still be another girl and then my husband would be really ripped off at me. Assuming of course that I could trick talk him into trying for another one. No, I guess we are done.

So this year for Valentines Day I just could not think of anything remarkable to buy him. He has everything. And anything he doesn't have are things he doesn't really want anyway. I really wracked my brain to come up with something meaningful and it hit me on my way to work a few days ago. It was such a heartfelt idea I wished I had come up with it about a month ago so I would have had time to pull it off.

I decided I would write him a journal. Similar to the letters I write to my beautiful children, but in this case I am starting ten years too late, so I decided I would try and write out some of my most beloved memories to start with and then I could journal current memories as they happen. And then it kind of morphed into the thought that it would be better if I could do it scrapbook style, not so that I could spend a ton of time adding photos and embellishments but more so that I could add pages in any order. That way I don't have to remember all my favorite events chronologically but I can add them to the book once I do remember them.

I found a beautiful 8x8 scrapbook that was perfect- it has a clasp that holds it shut and the word "memories" is emroidered on the front. It is a milk chocolate color- so it is definitely masculine enough. I wrote him the first entry and scrapbooked a picture of our very first weekend trip together. Which, coincidentally, was the first weekend in February, 1999. Here is what I wrote:

Sweetie,

Can you believe it has been ten years? TEN YEARS. Did you ever imagine 10 years ago that we would be where we are today? Did you know ten years ago that the next ten years were going to go by in the blink of an eye?

You have made me so happy. You have made me the person I am today, a better person, and I am just thankful every single day.

I started thinking back over the last ten years- the laughter, the tears, the joy, and the heartache. I realized we have had many memories. Things I never want to forget- and so I decided to write you a journal of our memories- at least as I remember them. Maybe they won't be the same as you remember- for example I (for the record) never licked the bottom of the popcorn bucket on our first date. But the point is that without a doubt I remember how much fun we have had together.

I remember how you can always make me laugh. You never let me get too far ahead of myself, and you have always taken care of me even when I don't think I need to be taken care of. I love you for all of these things.

Did you ever think ten years ago that this is where you'd be ten years later? I know it's better than I ever imagined. Thank you. I love you with all my heart.

 

 

May you all have a blessed Valentines Day.

Looking Forward

In 2007 we had the opportunity to go to Hawaii as my husband was honored by our company as a top sales performer. At the time Hayley was a mere four months old and of course I just couldn't imagine leaving her for a week so we took her with us. It was a fantastic trip, she travelled like a champ and we had a great time.

In 2008 my husband was again honored as a top sales performer and this time the trip was to Puerto Rico. I still couldn't fathom leaving Hayley for a week although she was sixteen months old at the time so we took her.

It's 2009. My husband is again being honored as a top sales performer and this year the trip is a little closer to home- Palm Desert. We are pretty excited about going- and we had everything all lined up to take the girls. Two years ago when we debated not taking Hayley to Hawaii we talked with my husband's sister about possibly coming and staying with Hayley. The timing didn't work out but honestly the only way I would ever consider leaving any of my children overnight right now would be with a family member and in our own home.

So anyway, my husbands sister offered to come and stay with the girls. Two years ago I just don't think I could have gone through with it. This year I went online right then and there and booked the plane ticket for her.

I am ecstatic. Not because I feel the need to ditch my kids, but because honestly over the last two years my husband and I have had zero alone time. Zero. We don't even do date night- not for lack of having a babysitter but more because even when we were dating we didn't really do date night. We're kind of homely like that.

I have been floating all day just thinking about having four marvelous days to be an adult. No poopy diapers. No boogers. No bottles. Or sippy cups. No whining. Or crying. No puke. And I guess even more selfish of all, four whole days to just hang out with my husband. Sit by the pool. Snuggle in bed. Eat dinner- together. And although I am 100% certain I will miss my kids from the moment I leave until the moment I return I also know that my husband and I really need this time to reconnect.

I am really, really looking forward to this.

 

Milestone!!

You know the other day when I was wondering if Sam had a milestone coming? And I thought she was going to roll over any day? Well she hasn't yet.

Instead she is now talking up a storm. Literally. As in, the last two days she has barely slept at all because she is talking and talking and talking. She is practicing the inflection in her voice going from high to low back to high. She is focusing on objects like the rattle attached to her Jumperoo and she is telling it a story.

This morning she hung out in the Jumperoo (aka Boing-a-Boing) for over an hour. An hour! Just talking and talking. I can't believe it. It's like sometime between Friday and today she just flipped the switch and turned on her vocal cords. I am so amazed to see and hear it that I have taken video of her about sixteen times.

Oh and the second part of the Jumperoo story is that she has now realized her feet are actually moving her. She is jumping like crazee. She had that thing going so hard earlier I was worried she would detach and spring into the air.

She is reaching out and grabbing rattles, pulling them close and inspecting them, and then shaking them all around. If I sound amazed at the simple things it is because I am. I hate to keep going back to it but when you see your baby in the NICU attached to monitors and tubes it seems a long time off that you will see them doing normal things.

Although Sam's developmental age is only three months right now and she is right on track for all the things a three month old should be doing I am just so happy. She isn't like Hayley- who has always been so far ahead of the curve we can't believe it. But she is perfect, amazing, beautiful, and someday I have no doubt she will also be as smart as Hayley and will be schooling us before we know it.

So yes, there was a milestone. And we still aren't getting any sleep because her little brain is so excited with all the new things she has learned that she doesn't want to go to sleep for even a minute. But that's ok, because before we know it she will be crawling, then walking, and then talking.

Watch What You Say- Part Deux

Remember this?

You would think I would. Apparently not. Yesterday I had the privilege of going to the DMV to register the new car so I decided to take Hayley with me. I guess I needed double the punishment or something. Anyway, it was raining and the road that I usually drive on had become quite the goat path. They were doing construction on it and I hit a giant pothole. I muttered "This road is a joke."

My little parrot in the backseat repeated me. "This road is a joke." No biggie.

We got into the DMV, which I expected to be fairly empty with all the rain and it was packed. Apparently I wasn't the only one that noticed. Hayley said "This place is a joke."

Yes sweetie, you are right. Amazingly so. And you sure make me laugh, but the DMV really is a joke. Good thing I didn't say anything else that could have been more incriminating!